Welcome to Menda-City - New Town to be constructed after Brexit

Written by T. Loaf

Friday, 3 May 2019

image for Welcome to Menda-City - New Town to be constructed after Brexit

"Clever, don't you think?", explained Boris as he announced the launch of a 'new town' to be built after the UK has finally wrenched itself from the claws of Brussels. "We thought about calling it Lying-in-wait. Get it? But that seemed somewhat feeble........"

The plan is to create a new town along the lines of Basildon, Hemel Hempstead and Welwyn Garden City, which will reflect the wishes, needs and ambitions of Brexitmongers. Jacob Rees-Mogg has already procured a massive plot on the outskirts of Menda-City for clay-pigeon shooting, and intends to introduce grouse to the area. "Typical working men's pastimes," he declared.

Michael Gove and Nigel Farage have claimed housing plots in the city-to-be and anticipate huge demand for the project. "It's gonna be really homely everywhere," smiled Farage, "all like-minded people on one fleck. Marvelous. All white, alright, outa-sight. And no problems with racism of any form 'cos there'll be no foreigners, No breaking point....Paradise..."

Those seeking to move to Menda-City must provide evidence of guile and deliberate misleading by way of, well, not telling the truth. "Yes, we have specific criteria for selection," said Johnson. "You have to respect the name. We need a solid basis. No wishy-washy verity lovers. Just downright egoists who excel in falsehood and fabrication. Ideal candidates can be found everywhere, believe me....The only problem is we have no building permit. But, I have friends in high places....and they all enjoy it when I spin a yarn...". Quite.

A spokesman for the Building Permission Authorities said: "Actually, permission will be granted as soon as we have confirmation that a huge wall will be erected around the town to prevent people getting in and, more importantly, from getting out..."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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