Unbelievable! Vladimir Putin fell out of a window. He, of all people. But all is okay. Putin was wearing his brown velcro suit and could adhere to the side of the building and crawl back up the outer wall, through the same window, and into the room,…
Under severe lock-down, Chinese people in Shanghai are pissed off and doing the only thing they can do to protest against an unjust government: they are killing themselves in record numbers! One Chinese man about to hang himself said, “We’re starv…
Despite a number of bad things happening in real life, bad things happening in the soaps still seem to be incredibly popular. A serial killer haunting Emmerdale, and a seemingly inept policeman not noticing that all of the deaths have happened sin…
The beleaguered financial institution Deutsche Bank are reviewing their questionable investment in Jeffrey Epstein’s collection of fine silk ties, as it could be regarded as distasteful. Brinhilda Von B’Lox, the bank's risk analyst, said ‘Epstein…
When a down-in-the-dumps friend confided that he was considering taking his own life, Caleb Higgins of Nashville, Tennessee, strongly cautioned his friend against committing suicide. "I totally get the appeal, but it's really not all it's cracked...
Prince Andrew, the former friend of former person, Jeffrey Epstein, spoke to the BBC's Emily Maitlis on Friday, and tried to explain his side of the story with regard to indulging in an underage sex romp with a girl who was just 17. But it didn't...
The leader of the House of Commons, Jacob Rees-Mogg, was besieged by a huge crowd of spectators as he went walkabout on the roof of the Houses of Parliament today, after his comments earlier in the week about some of those who perished in the Grenfel...
Curt Framingham, a 26-year-old software designer living in Atlanta, Georgia, isn't particularly impressed with what life's had to offer him thus far but is concerned that being dead might be even more boring. "Honestly, I'd say consciousness is ov...
Although Barbara Sampson, New York's chief medical examiner, has announced the cause of Epstein's death as "pending", inside sources now say an official determination has been reached. Ms. Sampson stated that no single cause can as yet be determin...
There were a few raised eyebrows but no shrieking at an Essex public house at the weekend, when the ghost of former landlord, Keith Flint, paid an unexpected visit to the pub, and, as he was used to doing, started the fire in the bar. Flint, 49, d...
After 22-year-old Jake Pruitt of Queens, New York, was found dead in his bathtub, his wrists slit and bloody, police officers officially deemed his death a non-tragic suicide. "He really didn't have much going for him," said New York Police Chief...
A man sitting alone on a park bench was witnessed looking glum today, whilst ruminating on his sad existence, his place in society, and whether or not it was worth dragging his pathetic life out any longer. Or, at least, that's what it seemed like to...
A cat that was killed on a busy road in the Battambang commune of Tapon late last night, may well have been a willing participant in the incident, it has been claimed. The cat, a mousy-colored thing, had been seen 'moping about', and looking sever...
In a gesture of solidarity with politically-despondent Americans, the Vatican has announced that for the duration of Donald Trump's presidency, suicide by Americans will not be considered a mortal sin disqualifying them from eternal salvation. "We...
Infamous, global prankster, genius, and spreader of 'good news' not 'fake news', Jaggedone, has just launched his latest adventure on internet radio (that's fake BTW) called; 'It's Good News Week!! Sick to death of all the bad news, and nearly on...
Colorado Springs (Denver Post): Four German Shepherd puppies apparently committed suicide yesterday, after their owner allowed her two-and-a-half-year-old toddler to name the dogs. All four puppies jumped out of an open window, ran six blocks, and t…
The first branch of 'Cark It Right' will open the doors of its brand new, custom built suicide centre on St. Peter's Close on Monday. I spoke to the company M.D. Graham Reaper today. "Hello Graham, exciting time for you?" "Oh yes, we think it's a killer idea; people have been dying for an opportunity like this." "Erm..." "Sorry about the dark humour." "Don't you mean Christmas crack...
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