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Funny satire stories about suicide

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Man On Park Bench Ruminates On Whether Or Not It's Worth Going On

Funny story: Man On Park Bench Ruminates On Whether Or Not It's Worth Going On

A man sitting alone on a park bench was witnessed looking glum today, whilst ruminating on his sad existence, his place in society, and whether or not it was worth dragging his pathetic life out any longer. Or, at least, that's what it seemed like to...

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Man Claims Cat Committed Suicide

Funny story: Man Claims Cat Committed Suicide

A cat that was killed on a busy road in the Battambang commune of Tapon late last night, may well have been a willing participant in the incident, it has been claimed. The cat, a mousy-colored thing, had been seen 'moping about', and looking sever...

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Vatican Temporarily Sanctions American Suicide

Funny story: Vatican Temporarily Sanctions American Suicide

In a gesture of solidarity with politically-despondent Americans, the Vatican has announced that for the duration of Donald Trump's presidency, suicide by Americans will not be considered a mortal sin disqualifying them from eternal salvation. "We...

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It's Good News Week! Jaggedone launches non-fake (bullshit) internet radio station!

Funny story: It's Good News Week! Jaggedone launches non-fake (bullshit) internet radio station!

Infamous, global prankster, genius, and spreader of 'good news' not 'fake news', Jaggedone, has just launched his latest adventure on internet radio (that's fake BTW) called; 'It's Good News Week!! Sick to death of all the bad news, and nearly on...

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German Shepard Puppies Commit Suicide After Receiving Names From a Toddler

Funny story: German Shepard Puppies Commit Suicide After Receiving Names From a Toddler

Colorado Springs (Denver Post): Four German Shepard puppies apparently committed suicide yesterday after their owner allowed her two and a half year old toddler to name the dogs. All four puppies jumped out an open window, ran six blocks, and threw...

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At last, euthanasia arrives in the UK!

The first branch of 'Cark It Right' will open the doors of its brand new, custom built suicide centre on St. Peter's Close on Monday. I spoke to the company M.D. Graham Reaper today. "Hello Graham, exciting time for you?" "Oh yes, we think it's a killer idea; people have been dying for an opportunity like this." "Erm..." "Sorry about the dark humour." "Don't you mean Christmas crack...

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Skull & Bones Society suspected in Yale graduate's suicide leap

Funny story: Skull & Bones Society suspected in Yale graduate's suicide leap

New Haven - A seedy Yale men's wanking club whose past members include George W Bush and George H W Bush is being probed about a new suicide scandal according to QM-NewsCorpse reports. Cops have quizzed 'Boners' as Skull & Bones Society member...

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Apple grabs the wrist for its next fashion destination

Funny story: Apple grabs the wrist for its next fashion destination

Cupertino, California -- Following up on the overwhelming success of its family of smart wristwatches, Apple has staked out the area where your hand joins your arm as the market space for a new line of standalone fashions. Meet Apple Wrist Wearables.

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Matthew's Suicide Note

Funny story: Matthew's Suicide Note

Scotland Yard Police are trying to trace the origins of a suicide note. Police were summoned to Blackfriars Bridge last night when a man out walking his dog spotted a pair of boots mid-way across the bridge on the pavement beside a briefcase full of...

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Jihadis pissed at German pilot's harakiri limelight snatch

Funny story: Jihadis pissed at German pilot's harakiri limelight snatch

Syria - Leaders of the wannabe caliphate are threatening to sue a dead GermanThings Airline pilot for stealing the limelight with his harakiri plunge. Jihadi top brass are claiming sole global copyright on nutjob atrocities involving mass civilian...

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'What Dreams Shall Come' - A Spoof Tribute To Robin Williams

Funny story: 'What Dreams Shall Come' - A Spoof Tribute To Robin Williams

Suicides were always a pain for Detective Malny. Always ugly. Always depressing, although he never let that show. This one especially. Robin Williams. One of the most famous comics ever. The guy who always made people laugh. Found hanging by a belt. By his own hands. He was met at the house by Detective Tromsa, one of the first ones on the scene, someone he had worked with often before...

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Local Businessman Commits Suicide After It Took Him 16 Minutes To Save 14%

Funny story: Local Businessman Commits Suicide After It Took Him 16 Minutes To Save 14%

Bloomington, IL - A Bloomington man was found dead yesterday, apparently the victim of a fatal self-inflicted paper cut. Lowell D. Ductible, a senior accountant with Smith & Wesson, was found in the family room of his home by his live-in lands...

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Spooky stuff as rash of banker suicides hits London

Funny story: Spooky stuff as rash of banker suicides hits London

London, UK - An early start to the annual banker jumping season is underway this morning with reports that a senior JP Morgan executive plunged to his death from the top of a notorious 500ft 'hexed' skyscraper in London's Canary Wharf financial dist...

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Man Declared Dead Days Before Suddenly Wakes Up in Morgue

Funny story: Man Declared Dead Days Before Suddenly Wakes Up in Morgue

A man has amazed doctors and workers at a hospital by waking up after being declared dead two days before. The family had waited till several family members could arrive to hold the funeral in Nairobi, Kenya. Meanwhile a worker at the morgue b...

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MI6 Spy Voted "Most Original Suicide."

Funny story: MI6 Spy Voted "Most Original Suicide."

Magazine DONTGIFFAFUCK" has voted MI6 death of 2010 the "most original suicide of the decade". The verdict of suicide has just been announced. "The MI6 worker's naked body was found in a padlocked holdall at his London flat in August, 2010" (Dai...

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Paula Deen Launches 'The Suicide Watch Cookbook'

Funny story: Paula Deen Launches 'The Suicide Watch Cookbook'

Savannah, Georgia -- Ex-celebrity chef Paula Deen has placed another success on the bestseller list. The work is called "The Suicide Watch Cookbook: Dining And Dying." "A suicide watch can be a tremendous waste of time, if you don't plan ahead,"...

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Gun debate leads to a rise in suicides

Funny story: Gun debate leads to a rise in suicides

Washington, DC -- As the gun control debate enters its fifth month with no end in sight, mental health authorities are blaming the drawn out policy dispute for a rise in the nation's suicide rate. The major television ratings bureaus report a 12.2...

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From rags to stitches

Funny story: From rags to stitches

Rupert was a man from the back streets of Kensington. He lived out of a modest five bedroom apartment and survived on a mere £200,000 per year. Unfortunately for Rupert his world soon became shattered and broken and he could no longer afford a nanny to look after Francesca and Tarquin so he decided to feed the nanny to his 500ft long tarantula's. The tarantula's were highly maintained and demanded...

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