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Funny satire stories about suicide

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Funny story: Millennial Worries that Being Dead Might Be Even More Boring than Being Alive

Millennial Worries that Being Dead Might Be Even More Boring than Being Alive

Curt Framingham, a 26-year-old software designer living in Atlanta, Georgia, isn't particularly impressed with what life's had to offer him thus far but is concerned that being dead might be even more boring. "Honestly, I'd say consciousness is ov...

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Funny story: Epstein autopsy now official at "assisted suicide"

Epstein autopsy now official at "assisted suicide"

Although Barbara Sampson, New York's chief medical examiner, has announced the cause of Epstein's death as "pending", inside sources now say an official determination has been reached. Ms. Sampson stated that no single cause can as yet be determin...

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Funny story: 40-year-old woman who featured in toilet-support ad found hanged

40-year-old woman who featured in toilet-support ad found hanged

A 40-year-old East London woman was found hanged at her home last week just days after she featured in a Betterware catalogue advertisement for an aid designed for people who struggle to get on and off the toilet. Tracy Dell, a part-time model fro...

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Funny story: Keith Flint's Ghost Visits Pub Looking Slightly Less Scary Than Keith Flint Did

Keith Flint's Ghost Visits Pub Looking Slightly Less Scary Than Keith Flint Did

There were a few raised eyebrows but no shrieking at an Essex public house at the weekend, when the ghost of former landlord, Keith Flint, paid an unexpected visit to the pub, and, as he was used to doing, started the fire in the bar. Flint, 49, d...

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Funny story: Young Man's Death Deemed Non-Tragic Suicide

Young Man's Death Deemed Non-Tragic Suicide

After 22-year-old Jake Pruitt of Queens, New York, was found dead in his bathtub, his wrists slit and bloody, police officers officially deemed his death a non-tragic suicide. "He really didn't have much going for him," said New York Police Chief...

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Funny story: Man On Park Bench Ruminates On Whether Or Not It's Worth Going On

Man On Park Bench Ruminates On Whether Or Not It's Worth Going On

A man sitting alone on a park bench was witnessed looking glum today, whilst ruminating on his sad existence, his place in society, and whether or not it was worth dragging his pathetic life out any longer. Or, at least, that's what it seemed like to...

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Funny story: Man Claims Cat Committed Suicide

Man Claims Cat Committed Suicide

A cat that was killed on a busy road in the Battambang commune of Tapon late last night, may well have been a willing participant in the incident, it has been claimed. The cat, a mousy-colored thing, had been seen 'moping about', and looking sever...

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Funny story: Vatican Temporarily Sanctions American Suicide

Vatican Temporarily Sanctions American Suicide

In a gesture of solidarity with politically-despondent Americans, the Vatican has announced that for the duration of Donald Trump's presidency, suicide by Americans will not be considered a mortal sin disqualifying them from eternal salvation. "We...

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Funny story: It's Good News Week! Jaggedone launches non-fake (bullshit) internet radio station!

It's Good News Week! Jaggedone launches non-fake (bullshit) internet radio station!

Infamous, global prankster, genius, and spreader of 'good news' not 'fake news', Jaggedone, has just launched his latest adventure on internet radio (that's fake BTW) called; 'It's Good News Week!! Sick to death of all the bad news, and nearly on...

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Funny story: German Shepard Puppies Commit Suicide After Receiving Names From a Toddler

German Shepard Puppies Commit Suicide After Receiving Names From a Toddler

Colorado Springs (Denver Post): Four German Shepard puppies apparently committed suicide yesterday after their owner allowed her two and a half year old toddler to name the dogs. All four puppies jumped out an open window, ran six blocks, and threw...

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Funny story: At last, euthanasia arrives in the UK!

At last, euthanasia arrives in the UK!

The first branch of 'Cark It Right' will open the doors of its brand new, custom built suicide centre on St. Peter's Close on Monday. I spoke to the company M.D. Graham Reaper today. "Hello Graham, exciting time for you?" "Oh yes, we think it's a killer idea; people have been dying for an opportunity like this." "Erm..." "Sorry about the dark humour." "Don't you mean Christmas crack...

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Funny story: Skull & Bones Society suspected in Yale graduate's suicide leap

Skull & Bones Society suspected in Yale graduate's suicide leap

New Haven - A seedy Yale men's wanking club whose past members include George W Bush and George H W Bush is being probed about a new suicide scandal according to QM-NewsCorpse reports. Cops have quizzed 'Boners' as Skull & Bones Society member...

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Funny story: Apple grabs the wrist for its next fashion destination

Apple grabs the wrist for its next fashion destination

Cupertino, California -- Following up on the overwhelming success of its family of smart wristwatches, Apple has staked out the area where your hand joins your arm as the market space for a new line of standalone fashions. Meet Apple Wrist Wearables.

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Funny story: Matthew's Suicide Note

Matthew's Suicide Note

Scotland Yard Police are trying to trace the origins of a suicide note. Police were summoned to Blackfriars Bridge last night when a man out walking his dog spotted a pair of boots mid-way across the bridge on the pavement beside a briefcase full of...

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Funny story: Jihadis pissed at German pilot's harakiri limelight snatch

Jihadis pissed at German pilot's harakiri limelight snatch

Syria - Leaders of the wannabe caliphate are threatening to sue a dead GermanThings Airline pilot for stealing the limelight with his harakiri plunge. Jihadi top brass are claiming sole global copyright on nutjob atrocities involving mass civilian...

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Funny story: 'What Dreams Shall Come' - A Spoof Tribute To Robin Williams

'What Dreams Shall Come' - A Spoof Tribute To Robin Williams

Suicides were always a pain for Detective Malny. Always ugly. Always depressing, although he never let that show. This one especially. Robin Williams. One of the most famous comics ever. The guy who always made people laugh. Found hanging by a belt. By his own hands. He was met at the house by Detective Tromsa, one of the first ones on the scene, someone he had worked with often before...

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Funny story: Local Businessman Commits Suicide After It Took Him 16 Minutes To Save 14%

Local Businessman Commits Suicide After It Took Him 16 Minutes To Save 14%

Bloomington, IL - A Bloomington man was found dead yesterday, apparently the victim of a fatal self-inflicted paper cut. Lowell D. Ductible, a senior accountant with Smith & Wesson, was found in the family room of his home by his live-in lands...

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