Charlatan. Liar. Narcissist. Unfit. Shambolic. Ramshackle. Incompetent. Arsehole.
These are a few of the kinder epithets which have been thrown at Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson over the years, yet, somehow, today he finds himself ensconced behind the curtains of 10 Downing Street with a long list of pledges made to the voters.
One of his promises has taken immediate effect as Tory MPs, parliament and voters unite - against him.
As a politician with some integrity - a rarity these days, particularly in Tory circles - Sir Alan Dunkin-Donuts, who resigned from government on the eve of the Bullingdon Buffoon's appointment, tried to get the House to confirm that it had the utmost confidence in Prime Minister Johnson's (am I really writing these words?) ability to form a government. Unfortunately, his helpful motion was vetoed by the hitherto compliant speaker.
Downing Street insiders, despite being sworn to secrecy, have confirmed to The Spoof that Prime Minister Johnson is relying on Remainer MPs to save his premiership and get him out of his self-inflicted Brexit black hole, hopefully by voting down his no deal, and by revoking Article 50 before his do or die deadline.