As the prospect of a no deal Brexit looms over the country like a leering, drunk uncle, the pound's value has once again fallen, plummeting to a new two-year low against both the dollar and the Euro. But, once again, heroic Brexiteers have informed us that there’s nothing to worry about.
New Foreign Secretary Dominic Raab said:
"The pound losing value is a positive thing, because Brexit will be a positive thing for this country. Ergo, all things that happen because of Brexit must be positive. I don’t understand all the negativity."
Of course, after Brexit, Mr Raab's duties as Foreign Secretary won’t be in dealing with other nations, but, rather, finding solutions to the greatest foreign thing to the Tories: the Poor.
Floundering ape man and current occupant of Number 10, Johnson, went even further with his assessment of the economy slowly tanking in front of his eyes:
"Yes, the pound is falling, but do you know what else fell? British bombs on Berlin, and I say we flattened Hamburg once before, and we can do it again! Now our mantra!"
As one, the audience raised their heads and repeated the Brexiteers mantra “Brexit is faith. Faith is Brexit.”
Jenny Gormall, 56, was in the crowd, and she said afterwards:
"The pound dropping is just project fear. It’s all just project fear. My doctor saying I’ve got cancer? Project fear. My car mechanic telling me my brakes have worn down? Project fear. We’re sick of experts in this country!"