Written by Paxton Quigley

Friday, 7 September 2018

image for Bozo Johnson to Get Divorced After Stormy Daniels Affair
Stormy: "Boris loves my big jugs"

Failed ex-foreign secretary Bozo Johnson and his wife Marina Wheeler have confirmed they have separated after newspaper allegations of Mr Johnson having had another extra-marital affair, this time with American porn star Stormy Daniels.

In a joint statement, the unhappy couple said they are now in the process of divorcing, after the Sun newspaper broke the news of their split.

It's not the first time that Johnson has been caught with his trousers around his ankles, and this time the allegations centre around Ms. Stormy Daniels, famous for her raunchy character acting and affair with Donald J. Trump. It is alleged that after a recommendation by the US president, Mr Johnson had a casual relationship with the busty Ms. Daniels during a ministerial visit to Washington followed by further encounters during her recent visit to Britain when she failed to take part in Celebrity Big Brother. Some claim that her failure to take part were due to prior engagements with the aforesaid "politician".

In 2004, the MP turned "journalist" was sacked from a shadow ministerial role by then Conservative leader Michael Howard for lying over an affair with fellow journalist Petronella Wyatt, which he had denied, and described as an "inverted pyramid of piffle".

In a joint statement, Mr Johnson and Ms Wheeler said: "Several months ago, after 25 years of marriage, we decided it was in our best interests to separate. We have subsequently agreed to divorce".

Mr Johnson and Ms Wheeler, a barrister, have four children, Lara Lettice, Milo Arthur, Cassia Peaches and Theodore Apollo. The children are currently on the Child Protection Register, while their parents are investigated for giving the siblings stupid names.

In her own statement, Ms. Daniels commented that Mr. Johnson "fell in love with my large plastic tits", and "although he has bigger hands than Donald Trump, he has a much smaller cock."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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