Felipe X. Martinez, curator of the ground floor toilets in the president's residential section of the White House, grudgingly admitted to Spoof that he authored the earth-shaking NY Times anti-Trump op-ed that rocked the nation Wednesday afternoon and evening.
Martinez, a native of Guatemala and whose legal residence in the U. S. is unclear, said he described himself in the article as a senior ranking advisor to President Donald Trump because he often gives Trump advice on matters common to older, senile men, such as constipation, urine leakage, excessive flatulence and similar male problems. "When critics call him a gas bag, they aren't necessarily referring to his verbosity."
Martinez now regrets that he didn't make clear that the president's ranting and raving almost always took place after a failed bowel movement. His reference to "internal resistance" should be understood in that connection. It had nothing to do with a staff revolt against Trump.
He chose to remain anonymous, fearing ICE would impound him and that his children would be separated from him, placed in a special children's internment camp.
The president as yet has not commented on Martinez's revelation.