Written by Paxton Quigley

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

image for Labour looks forward to Boris’ “Brexit Dividend”
Foriegn Secretary Speaks Out...

Labour party members are secretly preparing for power after “Prime Minister” Theresa May refused at the weekend to back her Foreign Secretary’s continuing claim that there will be a “Brexit Dividend”.

The continued and ever increasing claims emanating from Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson’s ample rectum are proving to irritate his intelligent cabinet colleagues as much as they are exciting his gullible simpleton supporters who had fallen hook, line and sphincter for Bozo’s laughable and proven false claims of paying £350 million per week to the European Union. Unrepentant, in January 2018 the former Brussels correspondent for the Telegraph, who was sacked from that post for his lies about EU policies, increased his fantasy Big Red Bus figure from £350 to £438 million per week.

Also annoying his Tory cabinet colleagues is former defence secretary Liam Fox who resigned in disgrace in 2011 for allowing his alleged boyfriend Adam Werrity to take up an unofficial and undeclared role at the Ministry of Defence. Somehow, the Prime Minister, in a moment of amnesia, appointed sleazy Fox as Secretary of State for International Trade after which he has admitted lying to the public about Brexit trade deals and in his New Year message even pleaded for mercy from opponents, asking them to “get beyond the obsession with criticising Brexit”.

Labour party members, who are mostly pro-EU, are rejoicing at events, but are still trying to beat some sense into their leader and arch Europhobe, Comrade Jeremy Corbyn, whose disappearance during the EU referendum many claim allowed Brexit liars an open goal.

Spoof Political Editor Paxton Quigley spoke about the party’s hopes to a Labour party insider who spoke in confidence under a pseudonym, Sidaq Hank.

“The real Boris Brexit dividend is that we have a great opportunity following this stupidity to consign the Tories to history, after they have ruined the economy and blighted the future of the younger generation for decades. When we seize power of the wasteland they will create, we can gaol all the Brexit liars and traitors, you know Bozo, Fox, Gove, Mogg, Duncan Smith, Davis, Hoey, that freaky Wetherspoons bloke, Dyson and all the other idiots including May.

“There is one problem though, let’s face it, it’s Jezza. He’s completely out of touch with the members. Not only does he talk about party democracy but won’t let the party congress discuss Brexit, he doesn’t recognise anti-semitism when it’s right under his nose and in his dotage he actually believes that he’s leading the party. He keeps going on about his anti-racist credentials just because he won’t buy Jaffa oranges for his home made marmalade and boasts to anyone who will listen about how he f*cked Diane Abbot in the 1970s. He’s doing that to the rest of us now.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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