A secret committee of the American football owners has issued a secret report on what direction to go in Football. But it was leaked by the Retired Football Players association - (one of their members was dating a staffer who put the report together).
Some members wanted to start recruiting promising grade school students but that was nixed.
The majority agreed the main problem was not enough Violence in Football.
'We are competing with Ultraviolent big budget Movies, and Violent Computer Games and are losing," said one member. "The young kids are not coming to the games - not enough Violence."
"We got a Tip from the ancient Roman Gladiator Games," said another.
"If we allow Whips, Chains and Nets to be used by quarterback protectors to battle through the defense - and the defense also having these weapons - we can keep up with the violent Movies and Computer Games - and bring in these younger people to football games.
"No guns or knives (maybe later) - just traditional Roman Gladiator Weapons. It would be great PR to using historical weapons.
"The teams are basically in body armor already. Just need a weapons belt.
"And we can sell weapon replicas for Dads to take home to the kids.
"Something has to be done - or we will go the way of the dodo."
