FOXBOROUGH, Massachusetts - (Sports Satire) - A fire of unknown origin started in the Patriots locker room and quickly spread to the equipment closet.
A Patriots custodian Otto Tox, 78, said that as he was eating his lunch in the outdoor picnic area, he suddenly smelled smoke. He put down his Reuben sandwich and ran inside the facility.
As he opened the door to the locker room, he was overcome with battleship gray smoke. He said that the sound of the smoke alarm was deafening.
After calling 911, the fire department showed up within 14 minutes, but by then everything in the equipment room had been burned.
A Foxborough Fire Dept. investigator figured that the freak fire, was caused by a short when a squirrel bit through an electrical wire.
He wrote down a list of the items that were destroyed. They included 37 footballs, 73 mouth pieces, 9 kicking tees, 83 gallons of Gatorade, 317 yards of ankle tape, and 63 jock straps.
SIDENOTE: Coach Bill Belichick says that his team's record last year was 10-7, and this year he expects it to improve to at least 11-6.
