United Sack deadwood, Solskjaer, and Replace Him With a deadwood Zombie, not a Tosser!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Sunday, 7 November 2021

image for United Sack deadwood, Solskjaer, and Replace Him With a deadwood Zombie, not a Tosser!
Here he is! The Zombie to replace the other Zombie at United, called Wan-Kin-Dik! He's not a Tosser!

After yesterday's disgraceful capitulation against their 'Bitter' rivals in the ancient city of Manchester, the red side of the city, managed by a 'walking the dead Norwegian Wood-Head', have decided to replace him with yet another piece of Dead-Wood, a real-life Zombie, not a dead one!

The US owners of this once proud footy club, who rule the world in flogging replica shirts, but not on the pitch and, paying over-the-top salaries to a bunch of ageing mercenaries, have decided to fight death with the dead! Solskjaer will be sent back to Norway in a coffin and replaced with yet another Zombie!

The dis-United players, who resemble a bunch of effigies once seen in a Michael Jackson video called, Thriller, have demanded that the new manager must act, look, and speak the same language as they do, which only dead-wood understand, Zombie language!

United's board of directors have found the perfect replacement, embalmed in Egyptian oils, preserved over thousands of years, and have purchased him for millions of $ bucks from a pyramid in the Egyptian desert! Its name, Wan-Kin-Dik!

It will stand proudly on the touchline at the mass graveyard called, Old Trafford, looking like a Zombie, speaking like a Zombie, and hoping to inspire eleven Zombies wearing red shirts running around like headless chickens to do what the Egyptian Empire once did, kick the shit out of anything that dares piss up the tree of this once great monument! Now declared as a historical, massive Jurassic Tomb.

However, where there are Zombies, there is hope, and maybe this latest team of reincarnated Zombies can once again produce a 'Thriller' to entertain the plastic millions who run around wearing Ronaldo shirts on their backs!

Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole!!!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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