FIFA, world body controlling global footy, have struck a deal with the Taliban, and the Taliban will now host the World cup in 2022! They have offered their services to patrol and control proceedings in Kabul plus FIFA will pay them $10 billion smackers up front!
In winter 2022, the FIFA footy World Cup should have been played in steaming hot conditions in Qatar, financed by multi-billionaire sheikhs, and Coca-Cola. However, after dastardly doings in Afghanistan, and the abuse of modern-day slaves to build stadiums in the desert, FIFA have decided to do an even 'dirtier deal' (quite common among FIFA directors) with the new rulers of this mountainous nation.
In return, the Taliban have promised that no 'Wags' will be allowed to flash their boobs and bums in public, only in the Daily Star, and in hotel rooms of FIFA directors, because it could cause a riot among their guardians of Allah.
They have also promised to build enough top-quality stadiums with ex-Afghan puppet government members, slaves imported from Africa, and surviving slaves from Qatar. FIFA and UEFA agreed to this condition and the EU shook their hands!
Global junk food producers are now rushing to Kabul hoping to sponsor this mega-event. However, only on the condition that no pork ingredients are hidden in burgers, fried chicken, and pizzas!
As for the players, they will be guarded 24/7 by specially trained Taliban guards so they do not have to observe Taliban protestors having their heads shaved off in public, AAAGH!
All qualified FIFA nations have agreed to participate in a show of solidarity for the new regime. Only North Korea told them to fuck themselves because they have enough problems controlling Covid19 and executing dissidents in their own country!
All footy fans attending the event will be expected to behave themselves or be shot on sight! Male spectators must wear Taliban turbans, Made in Pakistan, it is a solidarity thing, flogged by Primark, and grow a beard. Female spectators will be allowed in covered from head to foot, separated from males! Any female caught drooling and dribbling over Ronaldo's sexy legs will become a sex slave for the Taliban president!
It promises to be one of the absolute best World Cups ever because Covid19 will have no chance of spreading its evil tentacles among spectators! An armed Taliban guard will be posted between every fan, hence social distancing is guaranteed!