Manchester United Sign A Cripple

Funny story written by Scooter Nairns

Thursday, 28 October 2021

image for Manchester United Sign A Cripple
How Much Will We Get If We Sell The Wheelchair???

Old Trafford has been hailed as the new Mecca for worship due to its healing powers. A Falkirk man, named Robbie Banks has claimed his family has spent hundreds of thousands of pounds sending him on religious healing pilgrimages to cure his disabilities.

“I've been crippled for years. First I had back problems, then my legs gave-up due to stress on the spine. I developed Leukemia shortly after and have relied on my wheelchair and carer ever since. I've been in constant agony for 10 years and my family had decided to send me to famous places around the world.”

The ex-architect, (34), has been to The Blue Lagoon in Iceland, Dead Sea in Israel, Ganges River in India, The Camino in Spain and Table Mountain in South Africa.

“Nothing seemed to work, but I had high hopes for Lourdes in France. It seemed like a last resort, but it ended in more agony after the people carrier that was carrying me crashed into a bus carrying elderly tourists.”

With some money left over from that failed trip, Robbie said a trip to The Theatre Of Dreams in Manchester would make him feel slightly better. The Red Devil's being a big part of his life growing-up!

Having gained entry and began the stadium tour, Robbie felt a great flush through his whole body, like holy water passing through. He immediately asked to lie down and he was rushed to the physio's room where he thought his life was ending.

“It was scary, but when I woke up, I felt like I was 18 again. I jumped up and ran out onto the pitch and started kicking a ball around. I felt amazing! Sir Alex was there watching and he came down to say he had never seen anyone play fitba’ like me. Ole then came over and asked me to sign some papers...”

After a quick medical, the man who just one hour previous was in a wheelchair - just walked into the Manchester United team!

“I'm now captain of the team and all the experts are saying Man Utd will win the league this year. Miracles can happen...”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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