The Tijuana Tamale Packers Football Team, Which Is Owned By Beyonce, Win Their Season Opener

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 22 August 2021

image for The Tijuana Tamale Packers Football Team, Which Is Owned By Beyonce, Win Their Season Opener
Buzz Fuzz reports that Beyonce has 201 million Instagram followers.

TIJUANA, Mexico – (Sports Satire) – Beyonce Knowles, known as Queen B, by her gazillions of devoted fans, is extremely thrilled that her team the Tijuana Tamale Packers won their season opener, by clobbering the visiting Mexicali Maracas by a score of 39-0.

The rhythm and blues soul singer attended the game, which was held at the brand new, state-of-the-art, $1.3 billion General Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana Domed Stadium, with her husband Jay-Z and their three children.

Beyonce was cheered on by the crowd which numbered 54,904, as she sang Mexico’s National Anthem “Viva Tequila.”

The half time show festivities included three songs performed by Demi Lovato (two in Spanish) and a dazzling fiery machete performance by the world-famous Mambo Machete Machos of Mazatlan.

The Tamale Packers are coached by former Dallas Cowboys great running back Emmitt Smith and are the reigning champions of The Baja California Football League.

Tijuana's sensational running back Alejandro Salsa, who wears numero uno (#1), ran for touchdowns of 29, 17, 43, and 87 yards.

Sports Bet Gazette reporter Zorro La Bamba said that the stadium broke the cerveza-drinking record, as the Tamale Packer fans consumed 763,927 bottles of Corona Extra, Dos Equis, Bud Light, Carta Blanca, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and Pinata Light.

Next week Beyonce’s Tamale Packers will travel to Cabo San Lucas where they will play the Cabo San Lucas Poco Locos, who have one of the greatest defensive ends in the league.

LaQuansa Washington, formerly of The Pittsburgh Steelers, stands 6-foot-8, and weighs 403 pounds, and last year averaged an amazing 5.7 quarterback sacks per game.

SIDENOTE: Information guru, Andy Cohen commented that Beyonce has some of the most dedicated and devoted fans of any performer and noted that over 7,000 of her fans traveled from the U.S. to Tijuana to watch the game in person.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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