PHILADELPHIA – (Sports Satire) - For the past four years, the state of the nation's economy has affected just about every aspect of society.
The president of Philadelphia's Drexel University has decided that in an effort to save money the school will be getting rid of its gigantic college athletic mascot the "Dragon" and replacing it with a new, smaller, more affordable mascot the "Squirrel."
Sports Balls Illustrated is reporting that 91% of the school’s athletes, along with 83% of the student body is up in arms over the decision.
When asked what percentage of the university’s professors disagree with the downsizing of the mascot name, school Assistant Vice Dean Ambrose F. Figgindew, stated that the number is 26%.
Senior football wide receiver Rory “The Gazelle” Trickenbacker, spoke with SBI’s Dottie Bazooka, and he told her that he came to Drexel to be a fighting "Dragon" and not some little friggin’ "Squirrel."
Meanwhile the school’s starting shortstop Leander Veesalano, said that he is so upset at the name change decision that he is seriously thinking about transferring to Solid State University in San Antonio.
SIDENOTE: Reports are that the school’s biggest financial contributor, Hampton G. Gillafixx, is extremely livid at the change and has said, in no uncertain terms, that he wants his $4.7 million donation back within 48 hours.
