LOUISVILLE – (Sports Satire) – In an announcement that has sent shock waves throughout the world of thoroughbred racing, the Kentucky Derby Rules & Regulations Committee, has issued a statement that the old Granddaddy of Horse Racing will be leaving Kentucky and heading east to Delaware.
When asked why, an insider, who wanted to remain anonymous, stated that she heard it’s due in part to horses testing positive for illegal drugs such as Horvaliffativa, Mistohooffaloosis, Scronch-18, and Sodium Bizzantoxabromafeen.
The unnamed source divulged that literally thousands of Kentucky Derby racing fans have requested their Kentucky Derby ticket money back, due to the cheating scandal.
One long time Kentucky Derby fan, identified as Herbert "$2 Dollar Bet" Blankenpix, 83, remarked that all of this steroid mess has caused him to have a 205% increase in his perpetual stress.
He commented somewhat tongue-in-cheek that it has become so bad that he hasn’t had a woody in 37 days.
He even revealed that his younger 81-year-old wife, Jilly Belle, has started flirting with the mailman, the gas meter reader, the landscaper, and the manager at a local Jack-in-the-Box.
Meanwhile the citizens of Delaware are all as proud as (Delaware) punch at getting the Kentucky Derby, which will be renamed The Delaware Derby.