OSSINING, New York – (Satire News) – The iNews Agency has confirmed that the infamous Sinola Drug Cartel kingpin, Joaquin Guzman Loera, better known as “El Chapo” has pulled off the prison escape of the century.
Kitty Segovia, with iNews is reporting that the multi-billionaire escape artist makes the amazing Houdini look like a 97-year-old nun in a wheel chair.
Miss Segovia spoke to one of "El Chapo’s" top bodyguards, Lorenzo “El Boom-Boom” Cancun, who informed the reporter that his boss was able to escape by dressing up as the prison warden.
Cancun told Segovia that the legendary cartel leader, simply walked out of Sing Sing Prison, as if he was walking out of one of the local McDonalds Restaurants.
After escaping from the prison, Guzman reportedly stole a Harley Davidson Livewire motorcycle valued at $30,000, and was seen heading north on Highway 9, at speeds in excess of 123 mph.
A local deputy sheriff believes that the drug lord may be heading, towards the town of Poughkeepsie, where "El Chapo's wife's second cousin twice removed, Brandon Bobby McPharaoh, an unemployed gynecologist resides.