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Funny satire stories about kentucky derby

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Funny story: The Kentucky Derby Favorite Comes in 2nd

The Kentucky Derby Favorite Comes in 2nd

LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - (Sports Satire) – The 146th running of the most famous horse race in the world finally went off after months of delays. The normal crowd of 23,000 was reduced to 17, due to the Coronapalooza pandemic and the fact that ticket…

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Funny story: Kentucky Derby will be run WITHOUT jockeys at Churchill Downs race track on September 5 as COVID-19 spikes in Louisville

Kentucky Derby will be run WITHOUT jockeys at Churchill Downs race track on September 5 as COVID-19 spikes in Louisville

The Kentucky Derby will run without jockeys at the historic Churchill Downs race track, due to rises in COVID-19 cases in the Louisville area. The race, which is usually run in May, but was postponed this year until September 5 due to the pandemic…

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Funny story: Justin Bieber Says He Would Love to Own The Belmont Stakes Winner, Tiz The Law

Justin Bieber Says He Would Love to Own The Belmont Stakes Winner, Tiz The Law

LOS ANGELES – Justin Bieber is still facing sexual assault woes, and says that he has decided to stop signing autographs, taking selfies with fans, and touching adult girls on their tibias. Bieber notes that Jeffrey Epstein and a prince, a famous…

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Funny story: The Belmont Stakes Winner, Tiz The Law, Who Had Been Missing, Has Now Been Found

The Belmont Stakes Winner, Tiz The Law, Who Had Been Missing, Has Now Been Found

ORLANDO, Florida – The winner of this year’s Belmont Stakes, Tiz The Law, has been found safe and sound. The fabulous racehorse was found by a high-profile private investigator who deals in equestrian matters, as well as in clandestine operations…

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Funny story: Northern Colluder is Favored to Win The Kentucky Derby

Northern Colluder is Favored to Win The Kentucky Derby

LAS VEGAS – The Gambling Capital of the World has reported that they have chosen the horse who they feel will win the 146th running of the Kentucky Derby. Northern Colluder, owned by Saudi Arabian Prince Sim San Kashobi, who owns most of the Karma...

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Funny story: Kentucky Derby Officials Say There’s a Way To Still Run This Year’s Race

Kentucky Derby Officials Say There’s a Way To Still Run This Year’s Race

LOUISVILLE – It was a foregone conclusion that this year’s edition of the annual Kentucky Derby horse race would be cancelled due to the Coronavirus pandemic. But derby racing officials have hit upon a way to actually run the traditional event.

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Funny story: Trump: "Mueller Couldn't Get Me, So They Impeached the Derby Winner"

Trump: "Mueller Couldn't Get Me, So They Impeached the Derby Winner"

Following the disqualification on Saturday of Maximum Security, the apparent Kentucky Derby winner, President Donald Trump tied the stewards' decision to the struggle in Washington to oust him from office. "Only in these days of political correctn...

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Funny story: Trump Pardons Racehorse, Blames Robert Mueller As Maximum Security Bombs

Trump Pardons Racehorse, Blames Robert Mueller As Maximum Security Bombs

Louisville, Kentucky - Racecourse stewards ‘in league with Special Counsel Robert Mueller’ likely robbed 9-2 Kentucky Derby pick Maximum Security of victory, a presidential spokesperson said today. Trump reportedly lost a packet backing the Jason...

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Funny story: American Pharoah's Jockey Also Commands A Huge Stud Fee! (Comparatively Speaking)

American Pharoah's Jockey Also Commands A Huge Stud Fee! (Comparatively Speaking)

Dallas, TX - Triple Crown winning horsie, American Pharoah, is reportedly getting a record-setting stud fee of over three million dollars from other mega-rich horse breeders, to jam its giant horse dong into their fillies, in an effort to produce the...

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Funny story: Churchill Downs channels Mammorial Weekend breast-shaped crop circle

Churchill Downs channels Mammorial Weekend breast-shaped crop circle

Louisville, Kentucky - An enormous pair of alien bazookas has appeared on the mile-long oval track straddling Louisville racecourse. And it appears to be lactating Martian Milkshake judging by the nipple secretions spouting close to the five furlo...

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Funny story: Kentucky Derby Horse 'Uncle Sigh' Doesn't Really Give a Damn About Race

Kentucky Derby Horse 'Uncle Sigh' Doesn't Really Give a Damn About Race

Churchill Downs - As the 140th running of the Kentucky Derby nears, one fact about one of the horses in the running this year is clear: 'Uncle Sigh' just doesn't give a damn. The horse is already pissed about having to shave his beard for the race bu...

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Funny story: Toast Of New York a 25/1 chance for Kentucky Derby

Toast Of New York a 25/1 chance for Kentucky Derby

Churchill Downs, Louisville - The undisputed toast of the Dubai racetrack is on course for a tilt at the 2014 Kentucky Derby following a thrilling two and a quarter length victory from a field of 12 at the UAE Derby at Meydan last week. Sired by t...

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Funny story: The Kentucky Derby Could Be Moving To Detroit

The Kentucky Derby Could Be Moving To Detroit

DETROIT - President Obama has just informed the mayor of Detroit that there is a very strong possibility that the famed Kentucky Derby could be moving from Louisville, Kentucky to Detroit, Michigan in 2015. The president told the mayor that the re...

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Funny story: Palace Malice Wins The Belmont Stakes And Now Sets His Sites on Mexico's Tijuana Invitational Derby

Palace Malice Wins The Belmont Stakes And Now Sets His Sites on Mexico's Tijuana Invitational Derby

ELMONT, New York - Palace Malice defeated the Kentucky Derby winner Orb and the Preakness winner Ox Bow to capture the third jewel of horse racing's coveted Triple Crown, The Belmont Stakes. Jockey Mike Smith said that he knew since the night befo...

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Funny story: Charles Barkley Wins $2.3 Million on The Heat-Pacers Championship Game

Charles Barkley Wins $2.3 Million on The Heat-Pacers Championship Game

MIAMI - Charles Barkley AKA The Fat Bro was grinning from ear-to-ear as he bet on the Miami Heat to defeat the Indiana Pacers in the decisive game 7 of the best of 7 Eastern Conference Championship. The Heat had no trouble disposing of the Pacers...

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Funny story: Kentucky Derby Winner Orb May Not Run In The Preakness

Kentucky Derby Winner Orb May Not Run In The Preakness

BALTIMORE - Word coming out of the home of The Preakness is that Kentucky Derby winner, Orb may not be entered to race in the second jewel of the Triple Crown race. Orb's owner Stuart "Horsey" Janney said that he was told by Orb's nutritionist ide...

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Funny story: Charles Barkley Wins $1,280,000 On Kentucky Derby Winner Orb

Charles Barkley Wins $1,280,000 On Kentucky Derby Winner Orb

LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - The 139th running of The Kentucky Derby was run on a field that was muddier than the town scenes in the western AMC TV series Hell On Wheels. Orb who was favored at 6 to 1 odds started the race in 19th place out of 19 horses...

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