"Stimulus Package" is Favored to Win The 147th Running of The Kentucky Derby

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 28 April 2021

image for "Stimulus Package" is Favored to Win The 147th Running of The Kentucky Derby
Stimulus Package (#1) shown winning The Pocatello Derby in early March.

LOUISVILLE, Kentucky – (Sports Satire) - According to several highly-respected horse racing pundits, the horse that is the odds-on-favorite to win this year’s Kentucky Derby is Stimulus Package.

The three-year-old thoroughbred is co-owned by LeBron James and Beyonce, who purchased the horse in January from famed California attorney Gloria Allred.

The Kentucky Derby Racing Alliance has stated that all jockeys will be required to wear medical face masks. The KDRA also pointed out that in order to be 100% safe, all of the race horses will also be required to wear a specially designed mask.

The mask is made of imported silk, that's produced in the tiny village of New Rickshaw, China, which is located 17 miles south of the city of Wuhan.

The Alliance also voted unanimously to limit the consumption of Mint Juleps at the race track to five per individual; this step was taken due to the mini-Mint-Julep tossing incident that occurred back in 2019, between two sisters from New Orleans and the wife of a well-known southern senator.

The Turnstile Review is reporting that this year the derby will see the shortest jockey in the history of the race.

Guatemalan native Margarita "Lulu" De La Pinata, who stands 4-foot-2-inches and weighs 59 pounds, will be riding a flaxen chestnut thoroughbred named A Horse of A Different Color.

An inside source has revealed that Blake Shelton and his fiancée Gwen Stefani have bet $58,000 on Wonder Woke to win.

The 147th running of the Kentucky Derby will be televised on NBC, ESPN-7, Telemundo, and the Animal Channel.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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