NEW YORK CITY – (Sports Satire) – The Christmas NBA season kicked off with a fabulous fireworks display in each home team’s parking lot.
The world champion Los Angeles Lakers, who have had more of their players on the front of Wheaties cereal boxes than any other team in sports, are being picked by almost all of the sports writers to repeat as NBA champs.
LeBron James spoke with Cinderella St. Lamb, with the Balls News Agency, and told her he gives a lot of the credit for the team’s championship to the gorgeous-as-hell Los Angeles Laker Girls.
He remarked that they are the loudest, smartest, and sexiest cheerleaders in all of professional sports.
“The King” told St. Lamb he loves the fact the Laker Girls are the only cheerleaders in the entire world who can cheer in three different languages: English, Spanish, and Yiddish.
NBA Commissioner, Adam Silver, says that, this year, he is implementing a new Coronavirus policy, where the game basketballs will be sprayed with Lysol every seven minutes.
He also wants to make it perfectly clear that if any player spits on the court, the game will be stopped, and the offending player will have to get a mop, and clean the mess.
Silver then commented that if the player commits a second spitting offense during the game, he will be escorted by stadium security out to the parking lot.
The commissioner also said that the cardboard fan cutouts at all NBA stadiums and arenas will feature NBA fans from all over the world, including North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, who is regarded as the #1 NBA fan in all of Asia.