AUSTIN - (Sports Satire) - Dottie Bazooka, with Sports Balls Illustrated Magazine has informed her readers that the entire defensive line for the Texas Longhorns are out with the Coronavirus.
Longhorns Coach, Tom Herman, said that, at first, the team's trainers thought that it may have been a case of simple indigestion.
The coach explained that the team had eaten at a Mookaslavian restaurant in Pflugerville that recently received bad reviews for its Vichyssoise a la Kangaroo.
But, after defensive tackle Manny "Godzilla" Crux and defensive guard Dylan "Big Foot" Picayune both registered temperatures of 106.3, it was determined that it was actually C-19.
Coach Herman told the news media that the entire defensive line has been put in isolated quarantine, in an old abandoned Sears department store located in downtown Austin.
He said that the five players will be replaced with members of the 'Horns kickoff unit.
At first, Coach Herman was going to see about possibly getting some defensive players from #1-ranked Alabama to transfer over to UT.
But NCAA Athletic director, Monroe P. Cricketwater, quickly vetoed that idea, quicker than it takes a mosquito to pee.
