SOUTH BEND, Indiana – (Sports Satire) - The Indianapolis Chattering Courier newspaper is reporting that Notre Dame football coach, Brian Kelly, is shocked and highly upset that 40 of this Fighting Irish players have tested positive for C-19.
The coach remarked that, with his player roster dwindling down further and further, he may have to have three or four of the Notre Dame cheerleaders suit up.
He added that he is going to talk to the NCAA scheduling committee, and see if he can’t re-schedule his team to play lesser teams, like the Hiawatha University Mohawks, the Paul Revere Jr. College Midnight Riders, and the Joan of Arc College Pyromaniacs.
When asked if he knew what had caused so many of his players to contract Covid, the coach replied, “Yeah, the virus was found in the Gorgonzola grilled cheese sandwiches that three of the Notre Dame nuns prepared for the annual Notre Dame Fighting Irish football picnic."
SIDENOTE: The three nuns, Sister Sasha, Sister Condoleeza, and Sister Beyonce have all been suspended, and have been transferred to Anchorage, Alaska.