SAN ANTONIO – (Sports Satire) - One of the most successful coaches in the history of professional sports, Gregg Popovich, says that he hates the current Texas governor so much, that he hopes he gets bit in the tongue by a Texas armadillo.
Coach Pop said that he doesn’t wish Governor Greg Abbott any harm, he just wants him to shut the fuck up for at least 24-36 hours.
Popovich was asked by a reporter with Sports Balls Illustrated Magazine, about the rumor that he is planning to run for governor of Texas.
Coach Pop grinned like the Chupacabra that swallowed the canary, and said that he is seriously thinking about it, because the current shithead governor doesn't know his ass from an Odessa sinkhole.
The Spurs coach, who is the most popular sports figure in the entire state, has 81 million Twitter followers and Governor Greg “Dracula” Abbott has about 13,000.
So it stands to reason that, if Popovich ran against him, he would kick Abbott’s butt all the way from El Paso to Texarkana.
Texas women hate Abbott, because he has become very anti-female. Some say it’s because he may be gay, but his hairstylist, Mr. Sham-Poo-Poo, says that he just has effeminate tendencies, such as sitting sidesaddle in his wheelchair.
Coach Popovich noted that Abbott is especially hated by Texas gals because he made a Governor's Executive Order which prohibits Texas women from getting bikini waxes, having landing strips, and getting their you-know-what bleached.
He has also made it legal for citizens to brand their dogs and cats, just as ranchers brand their cows.
Popovich divulged that when he beats “Dracula” Abbott, he is going to see about getting him deported back to his home country of Kenya.