There was a huge controversy at the very end of the 2020 London Marathon this morning, when the winner revealed that he had crossed the finishing line with a stonking erection poking out of his running shorts.
The Virtual London Marathon, I mean.
Sorry about any confusion.
The marathon had been due to be run in April, but had to be postponed because of the Coronavirus. When it was re-arranged, only a handful of elite athletes were invited, and other interested competitors had to take part 'at home', by accessing an online app.
Some ran in their gardens, some in the street, some in their bedrooms, and some, indeed, in their living rooms.
Bradley Dilson, 29, who had never run a marathon before today, downloaded the app, and dug out an old pair of shorts and a tatty yellow vest that had seen better days. He lined some water bottles up on his sideboard, put a 3-hour pornographic DVD on, to kill the time, and set off running with the other competitors.
Dilson quickly led, and his lead grew and grew. As the race went on, it increased in size, as he received inspiration from the grumbleflick he was watching.
Approaching the finishing line, he put in a huge spurt, and his member came poking through his shorts.
He said:
"I was into the finishing straight, and well in front. The film came to a tasty part, and, well, the rest is history!"
Dilson took the chequered flag in 2 hours 49 minutes and 13 seconds, and at a length of 8.25 inches.
