Dallas Cowboys Head Coach Reveals Secret New Plays

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 12 September 2020

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The Cowboys might get to the Super Bowl, but it's not very likely

The NFL season is up and running at last, and one team that is hoping for big things this year, are the Dallas Cowboys, who have high hopes of making it to Super Bowl LV in Tampa in February.

And the Cowboys haven't been wasting their time in lockdown.

Head coach Mike McCarthy has had his offense, defense and Special Teams coaches working with the players on several new and exciting plays.

He said:

"Yeah, there's one we really like - the Onside Offload 73C. Straight from the snap, the Quarterback offloads to one of our offensive players, who dummies to the outside, cuts in again, laterals it to a teammate who then Hail Marys it downfield to a wide-open receiver! Hopefully, that is."

That's not the only attacking play:

"We have another one - Corinthians 3:14 - where, from the snap, there's a lateral pass to the left-side Running Back, who then changes direction to the right-side touchline, then makes another lateral pass to the left-side touchline, to a receiver who, because the defense is now covering our right side - their left - is, more than likely, open, and he runs the ball in. Maybe."

Now he was really getting going:

"Then there's the QBS/FFR, the Quarterback Sneak/Flea Flicker Reverse. I can't tell you about that one, as I'm not really 100% sure about it myself!"

And how about defensive plays?

"I'm glad you asked! We have some really big guys, but they're also quick. We have several Triple Blitz plays, and another one called the Bulldozer, in which the whole defensive unit bulldozes its way forward, overpowering the opposition's offense, and burying them with turf!"

Bookmakers have made the Cowboys rank outsiders to make it to Tampa in February.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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