The New England Patriots are Caught Purchasing Illegal Football Helmets

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 2 September 2020

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All NFL referees have been told to keep a very close eye on the New England Patriots, who are prone to cheating.

BOSTON – (Sports Satire) - Two NFL teams who have been caught cheating the most are the New Orleans Saints and the New England Patriots.

And now reports out of NFL headquarters say that the Patriots are at it again.

Sporting Chance Magazine reporter Hercules Confetti has reported that the Pats were caught purchasing illegal football helmets.

The story first came to light when a ball boy for Tom Brady’s old team saw a purchase order for 100 football helmets.

He made a copy of the requisition form and sent it to Confetti at SCM.

Upon investigating, Confetti learned that Robert Kraft’s team did indeed purchase 100 football helmets.

The helmets, which are manufactured in Liverpool, England, are made with Durobondalin XF, which is one of the strongest materials known to man.

Durobondalin XF was banned back in 2013.

It was determined that if a player wearing a Durobondalin XF helmet hit a player wearing a regular NFL helmet, the force would be equivalent to that player getting hit in the head by a 2,000 pound fighting bull.

An insider at the offices of NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell pointed out that the New England Patriots could be fined up to $1 million, and possibly have to forfeit their season opener against the Miami Dolphins.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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