Drug Enforcement Agents Find 2,000 Pounds of Marijuana in Yankee Stadium

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 1 September 2020

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More foreigners visit Yankee Stadium each year than visit Iowa, Kansas, Alabama, and New Jersey combined.

NEW YORK CITY – (Sports Satire) - Sports Balls Illustrated Magazine has divulged that DEA agents, acting on a tip, went to Yankee Stadium to check out a report of possible drugs on the premises.

A team of six federal agents scoured the stadium grounds, and ended up finding several burlap bags that contained marijuana bricks.

The marijuana bags were found in the visiting team’s bullpen.

DEA agent in charge Amy Shambrelli, 29, said that the pot bricks were stamped with the letters “CC” indicating that they came from Cali, Colombia.

Upon further investigation, it was determined that the 2,000 pounds of cannabis was shipped to New York City by the Vatos de la Cali Drug Cartel via a cartel submarine.

New York Yankees manager Aaron Boone was interrogated for 20 minutes, and it was determined that he knew absolutely nothing about the Colombian marijuana shipment.

Agents did find several fingerprints and they determined that they definitely did not belong to team owners, Hal or Hank Steinbrenner.

SBIM reported that the Steinbrenners were extremely offended at having to submit, not only to fingerprint testing, but to a saliva swab, a urine sample, and a prostate digital exam as well.

Agents did point out that none of the fingerprints belonged to any members of the Houston Astros.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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