HOUSTON – (Sports Satire) - Reps for both the Seattle Mariners and the Houston Astros have promised MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred that they will no longer participate in bench-clearing brawls.
According to Dottie Bazooka, with Sports Balls Illustrated, both teams agree that true baseball fans do not want to see grown men getting into a fight over an inside pitch, a snide remark about one’s mama, or even a Biden vs. Trump disagreement.
Seattle Mariners manager Scott Servais told SBI that he has informed all of his players, in no uncertain terms, that any player engaging in a game fight will be immediately sent down to the Mariners farm club, the Tijuana Guacamolians.
He informed his players that the Guacamolian team travels from city to city in a 1997 yellow school bus with no A/C.
Astros superstar second baseman Jose Altuve perhaps said it all best: “We only just want to play beisbol wiffout habeen to cheat to ween.”
Commissioner Manfred said that he is pleased to know that both teams want to act like mature adults and not like those argumentative women on “The Housewives of Atlanta”.