NEW YORK CITY – (Sports Satire) - Rob Manfred, commissioner of Major League Baseball, told ESPN-4 that the biggest problem he is facing is the incessant epidemic outbreak of bench-clearing brawls.
He stated that he has made it abundantly clear to every coach, player, and even bat boy, that these silly, girlish shoving matches will not be tolerated.
The commissioner has said that heavy fines, suspensions, and even threats of sending brawlers down to the minor leagues have had as much effect as Roseanne Barr losing two ounces on her power diet.
Manfred says that you never see professional women volleyball players fighting, or professional golfers, bowlers, or even bullfighters.
ESPN-4 asked him what the hell the problem was. Manfred shook his head and replied that maybe, just maybe, these prima donna and diva ball players either have the memory of a damn flea, or else they just have way too much testosterone flowing between their legs.
The commissioner says that he is going to fly down to Lake Charles, Louisiana, and consult a voodoo woman about working up some kind of a potion to put in the Gatorade.