HOUSTON – (Sports Satire) - As anyone who knows anything about baseball knows, the rivalry between the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Houston Astros has recently escalated to stratospheric heights.
It began years ago with the Wife-Stealing Scandal, back in 2002, and then with the Organ Music Scandal of 2013.
In 2017, the bad blood was reignited with the so-called Sign Stealing Scandal, which occurred during the World Series.
The Dodgers organization claimed that the Astros were using a type of Apache smoke signal system to steal the Dodger catcher's finger signs to the pitcher.
The Astros claimed that no one on their team, not even Sal “Standing Stallion” Schwartzheimer, who is 1/62 Oglala Sioux, could read smoke signals.
So when Dodgers pitcher, Joe Kelly, hit seven Astros players in a row, there was no doubt as to his intention.
The ‘beaning’ incidents caused a bench-clearing brouhaha, which saw more than half of the players pushing and shoving, and totally ignoring the league’s mandated 6-foot distancing policy.
One L.A. player was clearly seen spitting at some of the Astros players. And one of the Houston players allegedly pulled a Glock-9 out of his uniform pants.
The Sporting News recently named Kelly as the ugliest-looking player in baseball. Joe has mentioned that he attributes his ugly facial expressions to allergies.
Kelly was given an eight-game suspension by MLB. He was warned that, if he tries to sneak into Minute Maid Park dressed as say, a hot dog vendor, he will be fined $37,200, as well as having his driver’s license suspended until November.