DAYTONA BEACH, Florida – The top-ranking officials at NASCAR have expressed some concern that many long-time fans have abandoned the traditional Dixieland sport.
A spokesperson for the auto racing giant says they realize that a lot of the good old boys and a lot of the good old girls are upset that ‘their’ Confederate flag has been banned from all NASCAR race tracks.
One ex-fan said, “Lissen up, y’all, no Dixie flag, no me and no me, no wifey, and no grandmama and no grandpappy either.”
After consulting with an auto racing consulting firm from Natchez, Mississippi, NASCAR has decided that, in order to bring back the Rebel Yellers, they will be adding cheerleaders.
And, it was pointed out, not just your average good-looking cheerleaders, but high-kicking Dixie Belles dressed in tiny red, white, and blue halter tops and the tightest-fitting white short shorts they make.
One tobacco-chewin’, beer-guzzlin’ fan who left NASCAR, happily remarked, “Hot damn! Hell y’all, sexy-ass cheerdolls? Well lemme just say dat dis here country bumpkin, backwoods yokel, he gonna be a-comin’ on back like a swallow returnin’ to dat Kapistrano town over yonder in Kaliforny.”
NASCAR officials are feeling real good about getting some of the good old boys back, and now the NASCAR boys are all happier than a bull in a herd of 37 cows.