Die-Hard NASCAR Fans At Talladega Say They’ll Fly Their Confederate Flags and No One is Going to Stop Them

Written by Fannin Fabriano

Monday, 22 June 2020

image for Die-Hard NASCAR Fans At Talladega Say They’ll Fly Their Confederate Flags and No One is Going to Stop Them
NASCAR estimates that probably about 17% of all female NASCAR fans have a tattoo of a Dixie flag somewhere on their body.

TALLADEGA, Alabama – The NASCAR Cup Series Race may have more action in the stands and in the infield than on the racetrack itself.

Some of the good old boys, who carry around AR-13 semiautomatic weapons and grenade launchers, have said that no one is going to keep them from flying the Confederate flag.

Some have already said that the Grand Wizard of the Alabama Chapter of The Lily-White Lillies has said that his KKK organization will pay for the defense of anyone who gets fined for flying the Dixie flag.

Billie Willie “Silly” Sackabush said that when he was born out in a green bean field on his Uncle Fester Diddicutt’s farm, his mama wrapped him in a Confederate flag when he was just 35 seconds old.

He said that his mama gave birth to him, and 4 minutes later she was back picking green beans and chewing her Proud Rebel Brand Chewing Tobacco.

Billie Willie’s wife, Jolene Brenda, said that her grandmammy used to sew britches for all the grandsons and panties for all the granddaughters out of old discarded Dixie flags.

[IN CLOSING: NASCAR officials have said that they will be confiscating any flags that violate the new Non-Confederate Flag Policy. They noted that the violators will be transported to a jail up in Sheboygan, Michigan, a distance of 1,007 miles.]

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more