Manchester United: Captain Harry Maguire On Premier League Re-Start

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 20 May 2020

image for Manchester United: Captain Harry Maguire On Premier League Re-Start
We can't fool around with C-19, says Maguire

With the recommencement of the Premier League season just around the corner, and the news, earlier today, that six players from three PL clubs have tested positive for the Coronavirus, COVID-19, Manchester United captain, Harry Maguire, has spoken out about the re-start.

Maguire, 27, arrived at Old Trafford in July last year, in an £80million switch from Leicester City, and has become a firm favourite with the United fans.

The defender is known to be keen to get back to playing football, but he won't take any unnecessary risks. Speaking to journalists, he said:

"Yes, of course I'm itching to get back to competitive matches, but we all have to be responsible, and get our priorities right. We can't fool around with something as dangerous as C-19."

He explained:

"Football is entertainment, but we can't risk relaxing the lockdown and risking people's lives if it isn't absolutely safe to do so. And I, personally, don't feel it is."

Speaking almost as if he were a medical authority, himself, the Yorkshireman said:

"The trouble with a virus like COVID-19, is that we think it is very much a seasonal 'flu, and any perceptions we have about a 'slowing down' in the rate of infection, could be false, and could result in a second or, even, third wave of contagion, which would, of course, be disastrous."

He added:

"The past is full of 'false dawns', and history should have taught us that our impatience with Nature is always going to lose out and come second-best. We are, as a race, extremely fragile, and at constant risk of annihilation. We mustn't let our economies or our own personal interests and desires get in the way of what we know to be common sense, or the whole show will collapse around us like an almighty house of cards."

For the present, says Maguire, we should be patient.

"There's no sense in jumping the gun, and rushing back into football before the virus has been well-and-truly defeated. This is especially so, because Manchester United are well out of the race for the title, and have nothing to play for. I feel a bit sorry for Liverpool, but not that much, to be honest."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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