AUGUSTA, Georgia – The Augusta National Golf Club has just announced that this year's PGA Masters Tournament has been cancelled, and there are a lot of very rich people who are disappointed, upset, and fit to be tied.
Assistant Executive Vice Chairman Oregano “Buddy” Polliwog, 74, informed the media that, basically, the Coronavirus is one hell of a mean bitch, so to speak, and they do not want any golfers, caddies, fans, or hot dog vendors being exposed to the dreaded C-19.
He also stated that a disease/golf course expert had informed him that it is believed that the virus can mutate in sand-trap sand.
So, as a result, all sand-trap sand will be sprayed with a mixture of insect spray, Chivas Regal Scotch, and hydrochloric acid.
Many fans who had tickets, are requesting their money back, but the tournament organization has made it abundantly clear that no one will receive a refund. They pointed out that the paperwork that would be involved would just be too monumental of a task.