Tokyo Olympic Games To Go Ahead 'Behind Closed Doors'

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 10 March 2020

image for Tokyo Olympic Games To Go Ahead 'Behind Closed Doors'
Someone washing their hands with Olympics soap

The Tokyo Olympic Games scheduled to start on 24 July, will go ahead as planned, but they will be staged 'behind closed doors', it's been announced in the last few minutes, in a statement by the International Olympic Committee from Berne, in Switzerland.

Is it 'Berne' or 'Bern'? I'm never sure.

Quirkily, I think it might be either.

The statement says that, whilst recognizing that spectators have already bought tickets, the IOC has a duty of care towards everyone involved in the Games, and no chances can be taken with the potential spread of the Coronavirus.

No refunds will be given, as this would harm profits.

The Japanese organizers say that, for TV viewers, at least, there will be very little noticeable difference.

They have begun to order more than 100,000 plastic dummies to place in the seating around the stadium, in order to give the impression that it is full, and are to use 'canned applause and cheering' to create a realistic atmosphere.

All contact sports have either been cancelled, or are to undergo some major changes. Judo, Karate, and Taekwando, for example, are gone, because of the threat of cross-infection.

Fencing has also been shelved, as it is absolute shite.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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