Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 8 October 2018

image for John Terry 'Retires' From Football, To Disguise The Fact That Nobody Wants Him
Shut the door on your way out

John Terry, the former Chelsea and England player, has announced his retirement from football, as nobody wants him anymore.

Terry, 37, played more than 700 games for Chelsea, and won 78 England caps. He joined Aston Villa for the 2017/18 campaign, but even they do not now require his services, which is saying something.

Terry said:

"After 23 incredible years as a footballer, I have decided now is the right time for me to retire from playing, particularly as I am now seen as a bumbling old carthorse fit only for the knacker's yard."

Terry has always been a controversial figure. He was stripped of the England captaincy twice. He was found guilty of racially abusing QPR's Anton Ferdinand, using the N-word, and was no less respectful of fellow Chelsea player, Wayne Bridge, whose wife he shagged.

Not exactly a rĂ´le model.

But, aside from all that negativity, Terry will be most-fondly remembered - by Manchester United fans, ironically - for his decisive penalty miss and slip in the Champions League Final in Moscow in 2008, which made it possible for United to snatch the trophy that had had Chelsea's name on it.

It's not known if Terry will fall into the trap that other ex-players have fallen into, by imagining that, seeing as they have had a successful playing career, they might 'easily' become a successful coach.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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