Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 6 October 2018

image for Jose Mourinho To Be Put In A Sack And A Taxi
United throw another manager in the bin

The sensational news coming out of Old Trafford this morning, is that, after their worst start to a Premier League season for 29 years, Manchester United have put their manager, Jose Mourinho, into a sack.

That is, he's been sacked - 'in my mind'.

Later today, he'll be sacked 'in reality'.

It's almost certain he'll be sacked in Manchester.

Maybe, he'll be sacked 'in bed'.

According to some sources, the decision to sack Mourinho was taken after last weekend's embarrassing 3-1 deafeat at West Ham, but their season so far has been grim all round. Mourinho - for whom the Theatre of Dreams has become the Theatre of Nightmares - had wanted to bolster his defence in the summer by signing a centre-half, but was told that the defenders United already had were "good enough".

Now, it seems, the board might have been better listening to Mourinho.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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