In The Interest of Avoiding Anymore Quarterback Injuries The NFL Will Make It Illegal For A Defensive Player To Touch The Quarterback

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 27 October 2013

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The NFL is going to put a stop to the rash of quarterback injuries.

NEW YORK CITY - The NFL has finally realized that it has to do something to stop the growing number of quarterback injuries.

A representative for the NFL stated that so far this year we have seen quarterback injuries to Minnesota Vikings' Christian Ponder, Cleveland Browns' Brandon Weeden, St. Louis Rams' Sam Bradford, Buffalo Bills' E.J. Manuel, Houston Texans' Matt Schaub, and Philadelphia Eagles' Nick Foles just to name half a dozen.

The NFL is concerned that soon fans will go to the games expecting to see Tom Brady and end up watching Guido Visarelli, or expecting to see Peyton Manning and end up seeing Chang Trang Chew.

One of the reasons for the increasing number of injuries is the fact that the offensive lines are not blocking the defensive lineman like they should.

The defensive players are getting past the lineman and are making a beeline for the quarterback who now will either get tossed to the ground or else have to run like the dickens.

It is no secret that the defensive players are all getting bigger, stronger, faster, and meaner.

One defensive player prides himself in biting the offensive players when he knows the refs are not watching.

Opposing quarterbacks have started calling him Bow-Wow.

The league understands that people buy tickets to watch star quarterbacks and not some third or even fourth string quarterback who played at Backwoods Tech.

The NFL has announced that the only way they are going to put a stop to all of these quarterback injuries is to make it illegal for a defensive player to touch a quarterback in any way, shape, or form.

The league will instruct the referees to give the team who violates the new rule a 35 yard penalty.

They will also issue an automatic game suspension to the player who touched the quarterback even if it was just a high five.

If a player is issued a second quarterback touching penalty during a subsequent game he will be fined $37,000.

A third infraction will result in the defensive player being banned from the NFL for life.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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