Man Discovers That The Best Things in Life Really Are Free!
Right after the Wells Fargo truck back door accidentally came open!
Sunni, Shiite Taxi Drivers Not Talking
After three week argument over who Hamas, Hezbollah, Al-Qaeda, Taliban support in Egypt, Lebanon, Syria!
Longtime Empty Motel Wishes It Could Just Collapse
Misses Norman and his Mother!
42-Year-Old newly divorced man gets computer date with 19-year-old!
"Hey chick. I'm really into this New Wave thing! My favorite group at the present? Why, 'A Flock of Wild Geese' of course."
Why is NASA going to the moon again?
In order to show faked video and keep the money for other programs.
Obamas say they've adopted Sunny, a Portuguese water dog -
Sunny says that's wrong, he's adopted the Obamas.
Gonad Vindaloo Please
NHS Hospitals aim to start clinics in India....puts a whole new slant on "stick it in the Curry!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 23 August 2013
It sounds a lot like a governmental Ponzi scheme -
NASA plans selling the space shuttle launch pad and three of its mobile launch platforms. What's next, the Jacksonville bridge and St. Johns River?
Facebook vows to get more people online -
Kids say get all the old geezers off-line and they'll go back online. That'll fix things.
Feds Won't Guarantee Bradley Manning Will Live Like a Woman -
But he'll live like a federal prisoner. Very upset Manning handed over 700,000 classified documents to WikiLeaks, feds guarantee he'll be on the 50-cents-a-day tour for the next 35 years.
Cub Kadet Lawnmower Recalls 10,000 Mowers
Mowers that pull themselves recalled. Some leave on their own & that could be dangerous. One dealer says sixteen have come into his shop on their own. "I thought I was in a Stephen King Novel."
New Drug Derived From Red Wine Could Help Humans Live to 175
However, those that they crash into or run over will bring average age back down to 75.
Student Says He Can Always Tell When His Computer Has Been Hacked
"There's flem and spittle all over the screen! That's a gag!"
Dale The Whale Sensitive To His Obesity
"How many times have kids come up to me and asked where my blow-hole is located! Good thing I'm not a pervert!"
Completely Deaf Man Wearing Hearing Aids
"I got tired of all that mouth movement & gestures so I got these to freak them out when one blasts & the other emits a high squeal! Sometimes all the dogs run off. That's when I yell "Earthquake!"
Prudin: Al Gore and his traveling medicine show!
Buy this amazing elixir and Global Warming will slip right by you!
Obama Slams Limbaugh Again & Again & Again!
Exactly what Limbaugh wants him to do. The more publicity, the more listeners!
Bloomberg Sidesteps Big Soda Setback
Sets limits on exactly how much you can piss at one time. Bars and Pubs to take this one to the Supreme Court if they have to.
Another Cruise Line Breakdown
Tourists told to strip to the waist and head for the oars.
Weiner Direct Descendant of Dong
Dong Yi (died 204 BC) was a military general of the Qin Dynasty.
Pentagon Report Reveals Planes Easily Shot Down
"It's a good thing we sold them to our allies a few years back!", says officer. "Just kidding. We still have the big birds...in case anyone records this."
Sequester Meeting Cancelled
After sequester meeting cuts automatically go into effect today!
DHS Plan Calls for More Scanning of Private Web Traffic, Email
Everybody from America writing on here probably doomed.
Universe 100 Million Years Older Than Previously Thought
"I can think up more years than that", says man on the street. "Listen to this: One billion trillion brazillion years. And I just half-way tried."
Same Ole, Same Ole!
California man asked what he'd do if a firestorm hit, an earthquake or landslide tells reporters: "Same thing we all do here. Sit in line in the traffic."
Health chief: "no-one will be frog-marched from Northern Ireland care homes"
Leaping lizards! These government pencil pushers have made their elderly subjugates reptiles now!
Gamblers playing fixed odd machines expected to still bet 100 quid a spin -
According to figures from the Gambling Commission, FOTBs 2012 gross profit was £1.4bn - all funny money, and government loves funny money! Ha ha hee hee, the house always wins!
After electronic mapping device breaks, man stuck on Welsh mountain only had a map of Scotland with him -
At least it was another UK country and not a map of Antarctica - he must have known he wasn't scaling Vinson Massif.
Employees at Welsh Mountain Zoo Win One Million Quid on EuroMillions -
And the syndicate of 16 workers say zoo animals won't be party animals in this fine take.
Wales Family Evicted After 97 Incidents of Antisocial Horrors -
After harassing and abusing their neighbors, even threatening to kill some of them, the family of four had burned out Mountain Ash and are now toast.
Free Drinks in Turkey
Hotels in Turkey near the Syrian border are offering guests free drinks to entice them. "It's a great offer," said one holiday maker. "You can get bombed every night!"
written by IainB, 23 August 2013
UN chief warns of serious consequences if chemical weapons used in Syria
Does he watch television, listen to the radio or see a newspaper. They Are Already Using Chemical Weapons!!!
Two-Feet of Hail Hits Denver
"We're in one hail of a mess here", says Mayor. "But plenty of work now for the roofers and auto body workers."
Red Neck Sues Record Companies
"Those guys are making a fortune singing about my life as a drunken, wife-beating coward and they never got my once permission."
Man Tired of Jokes
Arizona man with elephantitis that causes his feet to be two foot long stomps crowd to death after being teased once again.
Radioactive groundwater under Fukushima nears sea
Already spotted Whale with shark head just drowning and eating everything in sight.
Obama defends government surveillance programs
The United States is no longer a free nation!
Wall Street Hacked?
Employees on the floor say that would explain the sudden 1,000 point loss, then the 1500 point gain in five minutes.
Taxpayer cost of housing NYC prisoners last year: $167,000 per inmate
Talks are being made with Australia. "We'd pay you for placing them in one big prison in the Outback!"
Obama's Caddie Reveals Secret
"When President Obama plays golf, he blames every bad shot on George Bush. That's most of them."
Man Wearing Barrel Out in the Street told to leave
After several complaints form Las Vegas gambling casinos!
It Was All An Accident?
Obama: No Allegations NSA Is Trying to 'Listen in On People's Email'...and if they did, it was George Bush' fault.
'Duck Dynasty Most Watched TV Show in Nation!.
Makes sense when the whole nation seems to be quacking up!
Woman Shows Up At Mental Health Facility -- 13 Days After Her Funeral!
"Who's the crazy one now?, she asks reporters. "Never mind that. Who have we buried?"
WWII vet, 88, beaten to death by black teens
Guess the Race War heating up pretty fast!
News From New Mexico Not Good
NM Supreme Court Finds Refusing to Photograph Gay Wedding, Honeymoon and wedding night is Violation of Human Rights.
Russian Rap Artist Having Problems
Russian Rap Singer Alexandria Vernader Rumperpuckski tongue badly tangled. Rushed to the hospital!
"Whales, Glaciers & Bears, Oh My!"
Like so many visitors to Alaska, Jane Hunt was eager for a 7-day cruise along a scenic stretch of coast that's teeming with whales, bears & glaciers. But, like many cruises, it came to an abrupt halt.
Yosemite-area fire rages beyond firefighters' control
"What in tarnation is that rabbit up to now?", asks Yosemite Sam! "The mangy critter!"