Court Awards Man $8 Thousand for Being Stuck on Disneyland's "It's a Small World" Ride for Two Days
Family reports that he is crazier than a shithouse rat!
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Ants could rule the Earth after People Kill Themselves off
Still Not Sure if Red or Black!
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Fed Survey: Laws Against Distracted Driving Not Working
Too many squirrels, rabbits, flashers, mooners, UFO's overhead out there to distract you.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Study Finds a Brisk Walk As Good as a Run
Or a romp in bed with the wife gets the old ticker going just as good and can be very relaxing.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Scientists Find Signal in Space That Could Be Dark Matter
Or it could be Darth Vader. We won't answer them until we see who we are talking to.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
284,000 College Grads Had Minimum Wage Jobs Last Year
"It will take me twenty years to pay off student loans", says Hardees worker. "Yes, we make our own biscuits fresh every morning. (No lady, we have a trained monkey to do that.).
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
China Says It Has Dollars Up The Ying Yang
Look for a lot of Chinese purchasing gold, silver and property in the United States in the near future.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Aloe Vesta 3-n-1 Protective Ointment, Bacitracin Zinc Ointment Recall
Both top ointments have ordered recall after flies found in each ointment. Some suspect employee involvement of those fired recently.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Americans Warned of War of Words
Obama and Biden to burn the midnight oil trying to come up with some fancy words and phrases to counteract enemies like Iran, PLO, China, Russia, Limbaugh and Texas Sheriff.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Saudi Arabia warns against pressing Egypt on crackdown
"When ever are you going to leave us alone. We can sort ourselves out, eventually! (off mike) "If there's any of us left."
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
U.S. Lawmakers at Odds Over Aid.
"I guess it makes no difference who we support but we really should consult China", says Joe Biden.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Egypt Stocks Tumble
"It was a pitiful but somewhat amusing spectacle seeing all those cattle tumbling down the hill", says Onlooker.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
.......some day my Prince will come!
Diana's death: Police handed 'new' info...spare me this she was assassinated by Royal Decree you clowns!!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 18 August 2013
...one hump or two?
Egypt violence must stop says slap head MP Willy Hague....or else he'll tell his Mummy!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 18 August 2013
Germany to become 1st European country to allow 'third gender' birth certificates
The first one since Hitler, who could possibly have been a fourth gender.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
McCain: US has 'no credibility' in Arab world
Let's just hope that we have "credit" with the Chinese and the Japanese.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Pollution Spreading in America
Health Officials warm that all water cooler water in offices be boiled.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
All Three Contestants on Jeopardy Lose on Final Jeopardy
Hint: "Ding-Dong". Right Question: "What was the name of the first Wicked Witch killed on "The Wizard of Oz"?
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
PETA objects to rural area men in Sidney taking a whiz outside
"Don't they realize that they are being seen by innocent farm animals and their offspring?", says leader. In response, during protest, several farmers whip theirs out and take a leak.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Greenpeace Protesters Arrive in Sidney
Greenpeace says Australia becoming polluted by waters leaking into outhouses Down Under!
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Family Son Confesses
12-year-old boy admits to parents that he was guilty of teaching big sister's parrot how to say, "Janice has a big ass!"
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
North Korea agrees on talks on family reunions
Kim Jong Un's grandmother asks if he's being a good boy?
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
U.N. chemical weapons inspectors arrive in Syria
Immediately begin scratching, crying and gasping for air.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Pet Foods Recalled After Salmonella Detected
Health Organization will now begin checking if people food is OK from same company!
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Coffee linked to premature death, study says
Does this overrule last weeks study that listed all the benefits of drinking coffee?
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Soda consumption linked to behavioral problems in young children
But super-violent movies and video games given clean bill of health, except when actors seen drink soda.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Obama wraps up vacation by golfing with Larry David
What's up next? "Tennis and another beer party with leaders of both parties", he responds.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Ga. school to keep display with 'God is Dead' posters
But would never again allow any "Ten Commandments" to be posted. "They make you feel guilty", say teachers, principal, janitor, school board!
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
President Asked Why U.S. For/Against Same Groups in Different Countries
"I don't know. Nobody ever tells me anything until it's already done. Probably something that Bush did."
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Afghanistan War Gear Becoming Available Online
Many top bids are from the Taliban, according to sales rep.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Ohio gun safety instructor accidentally shoots student
"So you see, how easy it is to make a mistake when you don't know what you're doing", says Deputy Fife!
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Many Gather at Local Man's Funeral
"Most of us here are to make sure he's dead and buried", says one person outside. "He was a regular jackass."
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
RNC tries to freeze out networks
Just as Dems refused to go on FOX last elections.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Koreas OK North-South family reunions
Thousands of Mothers-In-Law ready to pounce on husbands, wives!
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Diana Letter Warned of "Car Plot!"
Princess Diana warned of a plot to tamper with the brakes of her car 10 months before she died, according to British newspaper. All info hushed up on other deaths in many countries. Still going on.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Jaggedone brought out of retirement to save The Spoof!
Fab Author, Jaggedone, Erskine Quint, fabulous book, has been brought out of retirement to save The Spoof. His fee is undisclosed. Punters are saying Rooneys salary is peanuts, hence, U got a monkey!
written by unknown
Syria stop hostilities!
The civil war in Syria has been postponed for 48 hours because the US have failed to deliver their weapons in time and the presidents wife is shopping at Harrods!
written by unknown
Cycling is London is now an extreme Sport!
Cyclists in London have registered for the Olympic Extreme sports in Calcutta, 2022, and feel they can win a gold medal because of their superb training avoiding buses and taxis in the capital!
written by unknown
Multi-culti is dead in the UK!
Multi-culti has been declared officially dead in the UK because Boris Johnson is colour blind!
written by unknown
Cameron declares war on the Isle of Man!
British PM, Cameron, has declared war on the Isle of Man. He needs an insular war to boost is sagging popularity just like Thatcher did all those years ago and they say history never repeats itself!
written by unknown
Soccer season in England proves that summer is over!
The English Premier league started and summer was officially declared over; it pissed down with rain!
written by unknown
Obama takes a leak!
Scientists have discovered why the US has no secrets any more. It is because when Obama takes a leak, he blames the flies on his bog wall who work for the Feds!
written by unknown
Swansea 1 - RVP + others 4
Man Utd are not a one-man team as Robin VP proved against Swansea! A sulking Rooney does not agree!
written by unknown
Egypt builds new pyramids!
To take the heat out of the riots in Egypt the government has decided to build a new set of pyramids, and those who build them will be captured whip-lashed rioters!
written by unknown
Rooney long faced sub!
Wayne Rooney put up a good show in front of TV cameras with a long miserable face as Robin VP showed him who the boss is!!
written by unknown
Wales urges citizens to report loan sharking scams -
The most complaints concerned HSBC, Lloyds TSB, NatWest, Santander, and Handelsbanken Wrexham.
written by Samuel Vargo, 18 August 2013
Alabama ranked #1 in AP pre-season poll -
Hey, that's no surprise. If the Crimson Tide were playing in the NFL they'd be #1 there, too.
written by Samuel Vargo, 18 August 2013
Harry Reid is the master of the Washington insult
Harry Reid IS an insult to any intelligent American!
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Obama speaks out on Snowden, calls for greater transparency on surveillance
But you promised transparency of the US government, not spying on US citizens.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
CIA confirms Area 51. Will 'Project Axillary' defuse alien conspiracy theories?
Oh that's what they would like us to think.
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Mellow mood at first Seattle Hempfest since pot legalization
Some carry signs, "Hell No! We won't go!" "Tune In, Turn On, Drop Out!" and "The Whole World is Watching!"
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Tamerlan Tsarnaev 'subscribed to publications espousing white supremacy,' BBC reports
Also, Mad Magazine. Except for the cover, the are much alike!
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
Scientists explore possible reasons why dolphins are dying on East Coast
Could it be all the crap we're dumping on the heavily populated East Coast cities? Naaaa! Probably Global Warming!
written by Bureau, 18 August 2013
