And another One's Gone!
The United states Navy SEALS announced today that they have finally eliminated al-Qaeda #007!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Micky D Admits Ribs Fake
Mickey D's admitted that there is no rib meat in their McRibs. "We buy a perfume from Poland and spray the McRib smell add spoonful of BBQ for flavor on whatever extra meat we have around."
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Weiner Stood up!
Anthony Weiner was the only one that showed up at this week's proposed NYC Mayor Debate.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Mexico Booming Economy
Hottest at present: Pinatas selling like hotcakes to Middle Eastern countries who have ran out of Effigies to burn.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Realistic Dolls Now Personal
New Japanese Company say they can create perfect "Placebo Girl" of woman who turned down your marriage proposal! Thus far, 500 have stated that Jessica Alba turned them down.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Change In TV Guides
From now on, all program ratings will include that of the Amish, Mennonite.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Big Changes In Middle East
Women Martyrs promised 100 pool boys in their next life!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
New Spiderman Movie?
Rumors out of Hollywood is that there is going to be a new Spiderman to be released next Spring. The title seems to be "Spiderman Versus Granddaddy Longlegs".
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
New tool peeks into brain to measure consciousness
In testing thus far, politicians are mostly asleep on their feet!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Rabbits made to glow in the dark
"Guess I won't be needing this night scope anymore", says one hunter.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
San Diego Hooters bans mayor
We don't approve of that kind of conduct in here. Plus, it might be too much for him if he's trying to recover.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Pope Francis Makes Another Key Change
All choirboys will wear special bracelets to alert police to anything going on!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Playboy Magazine To defy Odds And Increase sales
Mostly by allowing you to download a 3D copy of Playmate of the Month!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Weiner At It Again
And this time he's using 3D download photos of "Li'l Weiner"!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Study: "Growing Up Poor Raises Chances of Smoking"
So smoke 'em while ya' have 'em. You won't be poor as long.
written by Samuel Vargo, 14 August 2013
Cleveland Browns not ready to name starting QB -
They haven't pulled a guy off the street yet.
written by Samuel Vargo, 14 August 2013
Tony Romo called 'thief' and 'loser' by NFL defensive end Travis Johnson -
Actually, those are good things to tack on to an NFL resume. That might be the ticket into the Hall of Fame.
written by Samuel Vargo, 14 August 2013
Bruce Willis claims explosions are the most boring thing about his acting job -
No Bruce, your movies are.
written by Samuel Vargo, 14 August 2013
Labour Leader Ed Miliband pelted with eggs in campaign visit to south London -
The egg thrower said he was simply 'opportunistic' and now has the opportunity of spending some time in jail.
written by Samuel Vargo, 14 August 2013
Google says not to expect privacy with emails -
So switch to Yahoo, Outlook, Bluebottle, or another email carrier for any Weinering activity.
written by Samuel Vargo, 14 August 2013
Cory Booker wins Democrat primary, reveals he groped female, then announces run for NYC Mayor
Corry Booker, Mayor of Newark, announced today that he had groped a female friend, and that put's him in a position to run for New York City Mayor.
written by Moose, 14 August 2013
Leahy, NSA clash over number of thwarted plots
Leahy says maybe two, NSA say over 10,000.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
White House denounces Egypt crackdown, but little action seen
President asked about his feelings. "I think I never should have used that pitching wedge on the 6th hole."
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Egypt: 'Massive military assault on largely unarmed civilians'
Tear gas, choppers, armored vehicles, bulldozers...Muslim Bros demands Morsi return to power...'Government Thugs Beat Me Up'...Obama hits links.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Stocks Tumble
Yesterday it was rodeo clown with Obama masks tumbling. Today it's the stock.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Old Nemesis Back
Mean pet cat taken down a ball or two, has developed of jumping on crouch during the middle of the night!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
In Case of National Disaster
Good old McDonald's offers new "decaburgers" with ten years shelf life.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Americans Plead for Help from Willie Nelson, Neil Young
We need the biggest fundraiser yet, for those broke and sick after ObamaCare!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Snowden Better Not Come Back To USA
Thousands vow vengeance for revealing their new names, locations.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Weiner Left Hanging!
After telling favorite antidote, no applause, no whispers, just a low fart heard at the back of the crowd
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
New Song Hits Top 100
It's "Proud To Be An American Priest" by Lee Greenwood.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
After Mystery Priest Helps Girl from Wreck, 3 New Shows
Three different cable networks to feature, "Priest By Accident", "Priest Man" and "Priest From Nowhere".
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Several Masons Marked in Arkansas
Idiot Masonic Lodge was actual haunted house last Halloween. Several seeking phychiatrist.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Weiner To Hang In There!
Told by supporters that soon or later, things will perk up!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Weiner Promises More Sight Seerers!
We'll get actors in their late careers like on the 'Love boat' or 'Murder She Wrote' and pay them to walk around Manhattan. Tourists will be dilled...thrilled.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Weiner Gets Powered Package!
Package contained Anthrax! Weiner celebrates fact that someone thinks he might win election! "Of course, it could be old girlfriend."
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Ugly Boss Finally Retiring
Employees give him a big send-off including fresh baked brownies with pot and laxatives! "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead!"
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Local Man Sued For Theft
A local man was sued in court yesterday for trying to sell the songs he said he had written, "You Ain't Nothing But A Pound Dog", "Free Turd" and "Just Another Cog In The Wheel".
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Oprah Having Swiss Problems
Oprah was shopping in Switzerland and a Swiss clerk refused to show her a $38,000 purse. "Then I'll just take my Billion Dollar Ass somewhere else!"
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
New Cherokee Leader Elected
"Talking Bull" says the great spirits and the usual political malarkey won it for him.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Oklahoma governor says won't intervene quickly in Cherokee adoption case #2
"I must keep asking myself, "What Would Tony Hillerman do?"
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Mike Tyson Jumps Into New York City Mayoral Race
Shortly after being named "Power Player of the Week" by Fox News's Mike Wallace, Mike Tyson announced that he will be jumping into the New York City Mayoral Race.
written by Moose, 14 August 2013
Oklahoma governor says won't intervene quickly in Cherokee adoption case
"First we need to go to a sweat lodge and do the traditional ceremonies."
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
President pledges new limits on press
President Obama called Friday for greater control and more oversight of America's extensive press, including newspapers, websites and Costco flyers.
written by Moose, 14 August 2013
Should men be worried about the 'testicle-eating' pacu fish? #3
The new situation has dogs and cats rolling in the yard with laughter! What goes around comes around", says talking dog.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Should men be worried about the 'testicle-eating' pacu fish? #2
Might slow the worlds overpopulation explosion a bit.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Should men be worried about the 'testicle-eating' pacu fish?
I would guess more men than women, except for maybe, Hilary Clinton.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
What Papa John's Doesn't Want You to Know About Their Food
It's Soylent Green isn't it? We're all cannibals! Bet it's the same for all those fast food restaurants! I'm going to be sick! I'm going to be sick!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
2012 Data Confirms Earth In Cooling Trend
Michael Moore to do movie: "Our Children Will Freeze to Death!"
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Zero Attendance for 'Climate Change' Rally
Everybody has become sick to death of Al "Chicken Little" Gore and the fat film maker.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
CIA admits to snooping on Noam Chomsky
Also, Miss America contestants in dressing rooms. Playmates of the Year! Special Swimsuit Edition of Playboy!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Obama Says He's Concentrating on Where to Dump Nuclear Waste
But first have busy schedule looming after vacation, like meeting with 1972 Miami Dolphins, big golf event.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Some Adult Stores Selling Weiner Bobble Heads
But it's the other head that bobbles when you pick it up!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Obama Feasts on Fried Shrimp, Fried Oysters, Onion Rings #2
Kid quickly takes snapshot to place on Facebook!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Obama Feasts on Fried Shrimp, Fried Oysters, Onion Rings
Body Guards get fruit, yogurt cups and orange juice.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Feds misprint $30 billion in $100 bills; taxpayers foot bill to destroy #3
Fired employees ass pictured on the back on Ben Franklin!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Feds misprint $30 billion in $100 bills; taxpayers foot bill to destroy.#2
"We forgot and placed Chinese Leader on the front. We knew they will all get to China eventually."
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Feds misprint $30 billion in $100 bills; taxpayers foot bill to destroy.
Most had big smiling Weiner on them!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Report: Another Child Molester Takes Cyanide Pill After Conviction
"They need to take those BEFORE they molest a child", says psychologist!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Rand Paul dodges question: 'I'm not a birther'.
"I was found in the cabbage patch by a stork. Hasn't your parents told you anything?"
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
NSA: Michelle & Hilary Already Been Told
Former President Clinton loaded down with a huge plate of burgers & fries accidentally bumps into President Obama with full plate of deep fried seafood. "Seems like I've seen you before. Both laugh!"
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Maybe if he'd ordered fries with that?
A Hooters restaurant refuses to serve San Diego's sex-addicted mayor, Bob Filner, fearing he may not have meant chicken when he ordered "a breast and a thigh."
written by Gee Pee, 14 August 2013
After all, there are a lot of sickos in the Golden State
California's Gov. Moonbeam Brown is annoyed at the feds for seizing $2.5 million worth of pot that the cash-strapped state was growing in Topanga State Park for sale for patients' "medical use."
written by Gee Pee, 14 August 2013
Anthony Weiner offers "services" to Hillary Clinton
Anthony Weiner seeks a role in Hillary Clinton's likely 2016 presidential campaign. "I can keep Bill busy," he said. "All he needs is a couple photos of his presidential staff, and the rest is easy."
written by Gee Pee, 14 August 2013
Calfornia's transgender rights law lets students determine own sex and gender
Gov. "Moonbeam" Brown signed into law a bill that lets students pick their sex and gender based on whether they prefer to pee seated or standing. The law's a favorite topic among stand-up comics.
written by Gee Pee, 14 August 2013
Motor City's cops look after their own
Detroit is bankrupt, but it has spent thousands to identify and communicate its female police officers' bra sizes. Commander Love defended the expenditure: "That sort of information is priceless."
written by Gee Pee, 14 August 2013
Michelle Obama's "poetic" message to America's children
Michelle Obama and her husband's speechwriters are releasing a rap album about eating vegetables. The lyrics are X-rated, and include the chorus, "Doan be fat!/ Eat yo f**kin' spinach, brat!"
written by Gee Pee, 14 August 2013
San Diego Mayor leaves therapy amid sexual harassment allegations
Look out ladies, Mister Whipple, the squeezer, back on the streets.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Cross Your Fingers
Trained monkeys now wearing space-type suits and pushing buttons at Oak Ridge, Tennessee nuclear facility.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Sneeze Guard Fails
Sneeze Guard no match for hurling 300-pound fifth tripper!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Ms. Vickie's Health Food Store Gone
Now, "Betty Sue's" Do-Nut Shop" with special polish sausage and egg breakfast sandwiches.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
Obama Rant Serves Purpose
A right wing rant against the President in the newspaper serves both new puppy from pound and it's owner. "Do your stuff Sparky. Crap on the silly writer! I might just join you."
written by Bureau, 14 August 2013
