SHROPSHIRE, England – (Satire News) – Pleasant speech increases milk production, a semi-scientific field research proves. In Shropshire, which is the real milk tank of England, a group of ranchers decided to raise their production to a new level.
Alistair Moggs, currently a farmer, formerly a speechwriter for politicians got the idea.
“In my work I had listened to hundreds if not thousands of political speeches. I realized that they affected my emotions and the productivity of my work.”
Moggs concluded that it would be the same with cows. So he let the cows listen to the speeches of various prime ministers and recorded the effects on milk production.
The end result was that Winston Churchill's speeches increased milk production the best. Six prime ministers were included in the sample. Here are the results:
1. Winston Churchill +78 %
2. Harold Wilson +47 %
3. Theresa May +21 %
4. Tony Blair +3
5. Margaret Thatcher -19 %
6. Boris Johnson -55 %
