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Funny story: The Milk Industry Says That The US May Run Out of Milk By Christmas

The Milk Industry Says That The US May Run Out of Milk By Christmas

SAUSALITO, California – (Satire News) – The National Milk Providers Federation, has just made it known that the nation runs the risk of totally running out of milk by the Christmas holidays. Marcia DeLeche, executive director for NMPF, told the Am…

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Funny story: Reduced Milk Was Off

Reduced Milk Was Off

A liter of milk that was purchased for half its normal retail price at a local supermarket was 'off', and not fit for human consumption, claims a human who tried to consume it. The milk, which was 'Full Cream', had been selling for its regular pri…

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Funny story: Survey: 43% of People Working at Home for the Lockdown Left Out a Gallon of Milk in their Cubicle

Survey: 43% of People Working at Home for the Lockdown Left Out a Gallon of Milk in their Cubicle

A new Gallup Poll shows that 43% of employees working from home for the Covid-19 lockdown left a gallon of milk sitting out on their desk back in the office. The milk, with an average expiration date of March 28, is just starting to go bad. In ad…

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Funny story: Huddersfield Town's shocking secret

Huddersfield Town's shocking secret

Since a brief spell in the Premier League in 2017, Huddersfield Town have performed atrociously. They are at risk of slipping into the third tier of English football, the optimistically named Division One. Fans largely agree about why the club has…

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Funny story: A Farmer is Injured While Drinking Milk

A Farmer is Injured While Drinking Milk

SHEBOYGAN, Wisconsin – The local authorities are reporting that a local farmer sustained an injury while he was drinking milk. Sheboygan police officer, Wendell Braggberry, (Badge #3017) said that he took a statement from Silas P. Coogins, who own...

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Funny story: Veterinarian Becomes First to Offer Plastic Surgery for Cows, a.k.a. Moo Jobs

Veterinarian Becomes First to Offer Plastic Surgery for Cows, a.k.a. Moo Jobs

Tapping into what she predicts will be a growing market for animal plastic surgery, veterinarian Dr. Myra Goodrich is now offering cosmetic surgery on cows' udders, a.k.a "moo jobs". "Just like women who aren't pleased with the appearance of their...

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Funny story: Hull Man Found Crying Over Spilt Milk

Hull Man Found Crying Over Spilt Milk

A Hull man living in the Thai capital of Bangkok was said by friends to be "extremely upset with himself" this morning, after they found him at his apartment crying over some spilt milk. The 'spilt mlk' the man was crying over, was from a 1-litre...

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Funny story: Dairy Industry Explains that What It Does to Bulls Is Totally Different from Bestiality

Dairy Industry Explains that What It Does to Bulls Is Totally Different from Bestiality

"It's not even in the same realm as bestiality," said Larry Wells, CEO of Vermont-based organic dairy company Wholesome Secretions, Inc., regarding the dairy industry practice of stimulating bulls' penises to collect the semen used to artificially in...

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Funny story: UK supermarkets ban energy drinks because they give "Hoodie Hooligans" too much energy!

UK supermarkets ban energy drinks because they give "Hoodie Hooligans" too much energy!

Hoodies, hooligans, and other juvenile reprobates are being deprived of their favorite "adrenaline kick-starter" (in the goolies mostly) because some supermarkets in the UK believe they have too much wasteful energy! So, instead of selling under...

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Funny story: Car manufacturers recommend milking your vehicle three times a week

Car manufacturers recommend milking your vehicle three times a week

A consortium of car makers, including Soduko, Chingchong and Chuffwrench have released a statement saying that all their cars should be milked three times a week as a minimum, or else they may leak or even explode. It follows a ten-car drowning on...

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Funny story: Housewives not satisfied with robot milkmen's service

Housewives not satisfied with robot milkmen's service

A trial run of milk delivery robots in Dorking has run into difficulty after a number of housewives complained that they were not fulfilling all of their duties. "Ooh," said Elsa Hornie of Privet Drive. "I couldn't wait for some of that milkman-ro...

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Funny story: Wife Loses Mind Over Powdered Milk, Witnesses Feel Uneasy As a Result

Wife Loses Mind Over Powdered Milk, Witnesses Feel Uneasy As a Result

Atlantic City, New Jersey - An overzealous housewife, shopping at the local grocery store, lost her mind upon discovering that there were no small containers of powdered milk available and that she would be forced to purchase the family-sized box. "I...

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Funny story: Cows Close UK Supermarkets

Cows Close UK Supermarkets

Herds of well trained cows have stormed supermarkets and local government buildings in a bid to support the farmers' strike. A calculated and precise act of terrorism has prevented customers from purchasing milk. It has been alleged farmers have...

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Funny story: Rush Limbaugh Demands To See "The Breastfeeding Mama" Son's Birth Certificate

Rush Limbaugh Demands To See "The Breastfeeding Mama" Son's Birth Certificate

NEW YORK CITY - Rush Limbaugh stated that just when you think you have seen it all here comes Time Magazine with a cover showing a 26-year-old woman openly breastfeeding her little 3-year-old boy who looks like he could be closer to 7. Limbaugh no...

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Funny story: Supermarkets to start selling Whale Milk

Supermarkets to start selling Whale Milk

Two of the big four High Street supermarket chains Asco and Tesda are to start selling the highly controversial Whale Milk. The other three of the big two, Sainssons and Morribury's are watching sales of Whale Milk with interest. PETAL, the People...

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Funny story: Thought For The Day, With E L Wisty

Thought For The Day, With E L Wisty

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's Jeremy Clarkson. Another thing I can't stand is the cat. Yes, the cat that sits on my window sill every evening and looks at me. I can feel its green eyes burning into my soul, while I'm heating the milk. Into my very soul, they burn, while the skin forms on the milk and it begins to rise dangerously high up the sides of the milk pan. Bastit, that was t...

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Funny story: Vampire Dairies Shut Down - Lobov And Winkelholder Devastated

Vampire Dairies Shut Down - Lobov And Winkelholder Devastated

Hereford based dairy produce manufacturers, Vampire Dairies, have been shut down by their co-owners, Nina Lobov and Damian Winkelholder, following a dramatic downturn in turnover. "It was regrettable, but we had to take drastic action," Winkelhold...

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