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UK supermarkets ban energy drinks because they give "Hoodie Hooligans" too much energy!

Funny story: UK supermarkets ban energy drinks because they give "Hoodie Hooligans" too much energy!

Hoodies, hooligans, and other juvenile reprobates are being deprived of their favorite "adrenaline kick-starter" (in the goolies mostly) because some supermarkets in the UK believe they have too much wasteful energy! So, instead of selling under...

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Car manufacturers recommend milking your vehicle three times a week

Funny story: Car manufacturers recommend milking your vehicle three times a week

A consortium of car makers, including Soduko, Chingchong and Chuffwrench have released a statement saying that all their cars should be milked three times a week as a minimum, or else they may leak or even explode. It follows a ten-car drowning on...

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Housewives not satisfied with robot milkmen's service

Funny story: Housewives not satisfied with robot milkmen's service

A trial run of milk delivery robots in Dorking has run into difficulty after a number of housewives complained that they were not fulfilling all of their duties. "Ooh," said Elsa Hornie of Privet Drive. "I couldn't wait for some of that milkman-ro...

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Wife Loses Mind Over Powdered Milk, Witnesses Feel Uneasy As a Result

Funny story: Wife Loses Mind Over Powdered Milk, Witnesses Feel Uneasy As a Result

Atlantic City, New Jersey - An overzealous housewife, shopping at the local grocery store, lost her mind upon discovering that there were no small containers of powdered milk available and that she would be forced to purchase the family-sized box. "I...

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Cows Close UK Supermarkets

Funny story: Cows Close UK Supermarkets

Herds of well trained cows have stormed supermarkets and local government buildings in a bid to support the farmers' strike. A calculated and precise act of terrorism has prevented customers from purchasing milk. It has been alleged farmers have...

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Rush Limbaugh Demands To See "The Breastfeeding Mama" Son's Birth Certificate

Funny story: Rush Limbaugh Demands To See "The Breastfeeding Mama" Son's Birth Certificate

NEW YORK CITY - Rush Limbaugh stated that just when you think you have seen it all here comes Time Magazine with a cover showing a 26-year-old woman openly breastfeeding her little 3-year-old boy who looks like he could be closer to 7. Limbaugh no...

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Supermarkets to start selling Whale Milk

Funny story: Supermarkets to start selling Whale Milk

Two of the big four High Street supermarket chains Asco and Tesda are to start selling the highly controversial Whale Milk. The other three of the big two, Sainssons and Morribury's are watching sales of Whale Milk with interest. PETAL, the People...

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Thought For The Day, With E L Wisty

Funny story: Thought For The Day, With E L Wisty

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's Jeremy Clarkson. Another thing I can't stand is the cat. Yes, the cat that sits on my window sill every evening and looks at me. I can feel its green eyes burning into my soul, while I'm heating the milk. Into my very soul, they burn, while the skin forms on the milk and it begins to rise dangerously high up the sides of the milk pan. Bastit, that was t...

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Vampire Dairies Shut Down - Lobov And Winkelholder Devastated

Funny story: Vampire Dairies Shut Down - Lobov And Winkelholder Devastated

Hereford based dairy produce manufacturers, Vampire Dairies, have been shut down by their co-owners, Nina Lobov and Damian Winkelholder, following a dramatic downturn in turnover. "It was regrettable, but we had to take drastic action," Winkelhold...

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Dairy Announces "Milk Of Human Kindness" Will Come In Flavors

Funny story: Dairy Announces "Milk Of Human Kindness" Will Come In Flavors

Borden's Dairy has announced that they will soon be distributing "The Milk of Human Kindness" in flavors such as chocolate and strawberry. They also said that the product will be available as whole, skim, 2 %, and fat free (just like all other milk...

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Cloned offspring milk and meat to enter food chain

Funny story: Cloned offspring milk and meat to enter food chain

Following a decision by the European Commission milk and meat from the offspring of cloned animals will be allowed to enter the food chain and is expected to be on the shelves of supermarkets by the end of summer. A major concern, that the genera...

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Milkoholism "on rise" among young people

A disturbing new trend has come to light among the young people of Britain. This generation are self-described "milkoholics" - dependant on milk and drinking up to twelve times a day. Reuben Milner, 1 month, is a typical milkoholic. Speaking f...

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Breast Milk Ice Cream On Sale

A restaurant in London has announced that its best selling menu item is ice cream made from breast milk. Cafe You in Covent Garden is making a name for itself by featuring dishes made only from body parts and membranes. The Breast Milk Ice Crea...

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Cameron won't cut free-milk but will add free beer and alcopops

Funny story: Cameron won't cut free-milk but will add free beer and alcopops

LONDON: The Con-Lib Dem coalition government denied that it was proposing to scrap the 'free-milk' for school kids. PM Cameron's office said it planned to continue giving free milk each school day to children under the age of 5. Mr.Cameron's spoke...

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Milk Snatch Off

Funny story: Milk Snatch Off

Plans being hatched in the hidden dungeons of an evil empire to wrest bottles of milk from children under 6 have been dropped by the controller of the snatch organisers. Fooled into believing the rulers of this empire had been absorbed by spirits...

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Is This The End Of The Milk Bottle?

Funny story: Is This The End Of The Milk Bottle?

The humble milk bottle could be about to join edible underpants in retirement. Sainsbury's recently introduced two-pint bags. Now, in a bid to make further savings, the store are encouraging shoppers to buy a cow. "Each cow contains 50 pints of m...

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UK Spoofer Up for Medical Award after Wabbits Milk Seen as Cure for Rare Disease!

Funny story: UK Spoofer Up for Medical Award after Wabbits Milk Seen as Cure for Rare Disease!

The neighbours complained when all their shrubs and flowers were eaten, the Police got tired of responding to wild wabbits running around in the streets fornicating, and a certain spoof writer had to quit his day job in order to spend his time clean...

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Reporter gives up prestige job to fondle udders

Funny story: Reporter gives up prestige job to fondle udders

Westville, WI According to the news in this little known Wisconsin Town, Female cattle, aka cows, have been developing extremely large "udders". The Dairy Farmers' Digest reported this in their last issue published in June of 2008, but no one seem...

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The nice thing about being over 60 is that you can walk your dog essentially in your pajamas and nobody bats an eye.
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