NEW DELHI, India - (World Satire) - As everyone knows full well, cows in India are sacred. They are believed to hold mystical powers that can cure everything from dandruff to a yeast infection.
The Global Source News Agency reports that anyone, even remotely harming a cow can be fined $10,000 and imprisoned for up to 13 years.
GSNA reporter Topeka Joplin noted that back on March 19, 1969, a gynecologist named Sim Sun Tannapak gently kicked a wandering cow, and Mr. Tannapak has not been heard or seen from since
Joplin noted that in the Hindu culture the cow represents the female and as thus is respected even more than rice, crab, badminton, river fish, and jello.
The Prime Minister of India, Narendra Modi, has decided to aid the war-torn people of Ukraine by shipping them 40,000 head of cattle.
PM Modi noted that since most Ukrainians are Catholic, they have no problem eating beef, although some still adhere to the 14th century belief that cows should not be eaten on Fridays.
