Victoria Nuland's “Ballade of the hunk of metal at the bottom of the sea” to be performed at The White House

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 16 February 2023

image for Victoria Nuland's “Ballade of the hunk of metal at the bottom of the sea” to be performed at The White House
US Navy divers reported singing the lyrics underwater

It has now been confirmed that Boris Johnson will offer a musical rendition of Ms. Nuland's latest poem, which is already on the docket for a literary prize, possibly the Nobel.

Key phrasing in the poem comes from Ms. Nuland's remark following the blowing up of the Nord Stream pipelines last September.

“Senator Cruz, like you I am and I think the administration is very gratified to know that Nord Stream 2 is now as you like to say, a hunk of metal at the bottom of the sea.”

Last October, Secretary of State Anthony Blinken remarked that the destruction of the pipelines was “a tremendous opportunity for Europe.”

In fact, the idea that the pipelines might be destroyed traces back a year to Mr. Biden's statement that:

“If Russia invades — that means tanks or troops crossing the border of Ukraine again — then there will no longer be a Nord Stream 2,” Biden said at a press conference with Scholz. “We will bring an end to it.”

The US has been careful to clarify that all these statements do NOT indicate America is responsible for the destruction of the pipelines. All that is “utterly false and complete fiction.”

Indeed, according to the US State Department, the culprit is none other than Russia (owning 51% of the pipelines; the other 49% owned by Germany).

Motive can be found entirely on the Russia side for this reason: it blew up its own pipelines to pretend to the world that the US did it.

Motive for the US only appears to be clearly established from the very mouths of the perpetrators--including the advantages from the destruction they chortled about afterwards.

All this shows what tricky devils the Russians are with their limitless cunning!

A sample from Ms. Nuland's lyrics:

O me O me
at the bottom of the sea
lies a hunk of twisted metal

O me O me
we've proved ourselves
we're in such very fine fettle

As to the poem's entering the Schadenfreude Category of the Nobel Prize for this year—yes, experts have said this is possible.

Schadenfreude is enjoyment of another's misery, in this case, with Ms. Nuland's poem, raised to a high art.

Mr. Johnson has said he is honored to perform this work at The White House, and will ask Mr. Zelensky to join him on the piano.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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