VACAVILLE, California – (Satire News) – Reports being put out by The Alpha Beta News Agency, are that thousands of California firefighters are running out of ideas as to how to fight the damn wildfires that are continuing to relentlessly burn out-of-control.
ABNA reporter Mimosa Sabrosa says that the fires are so intense that they can literally cause a 17-acre lake to evaporate in 12½ minutes.
Firefighters outside of Vacaville, report that commercial airliners are having to fly around the fires, because they are afraid that the heat could melt the plane tires, and that would cause one hell of a headache for the pilots when they approach the airport to land.
Meanwhile, pilots who are flying firefighting planes have run out of water to drop on the fires and are now having to resort to dropping thousands of tons of Strawberry Kool-Aid on the fires.
SIDENOTE: It is a well-known fact that Strawberry Kool-Aid contains Sintalofiscus, which has been used successfully to fight forest fires in Germany, Thailand, and Pisagovia. ■