AUSTIN – (Satire News) – The Texas Senate has announced that they have agreed to send 900 fire-fighting bulldozers to help fight the dozens of fast-moving wild fires in the Left Coast state.
Senator Harmon K. Finstermund, a Democrat from Nacogdoches, stated that the Texas Senate voted 100 to 0, to send the much-needed bulldozers to knock down trees to prevent the fire from spreading even more.
Reports are that Texas Governor Greg “Shit For Brains” Abbott threatened to veto the bulldozers-to-California plan. But when he learned from his security detail that if he did, he would be kidnapped by members of a Guatemalan cartel and basically be gang-blanked, he decided to change his mothereffen tune.
Meanwhile California female celebrities including Jennifer Aniston, Katy Perry, Sofia Vergara, Britney Spears, and all the members of the Quesadilla Sisters Band have said that they will travel to Texas and put on a free “Meet & Greet” event in order to show their appreciation.
SIDENOTE: Governor “Egg Plant Face” Abbott has reportedly gone into hiding in his $4.7 million security bunker, because he has received dozens of texts from members of the Guatemala's most powerful cartel, the Tapachula Hombres Drug Cartel, saying that they will be paying him a visit very, very, pronto (quick).