CHICO, California – (Satire News) – Ipso Facto News reports that California’s “Hell Fires,” have totally gotten out-of-control.
Park ranger Warren F. Fishfiddy, told IPN’s Fuchsia Garfunkel, that the temperature of the I Wish I Was In Dixie fire, located just outside of Chico, in Northern California has hit up to 193 degrees, which he adds is actually 27 degrees hotter-than-hell (the actual hell!).
Fishfiddy, who has been a Marilyn Monroe State Park ranger for 42 years, reported seeing rattlesnakes, coyotes, and even a wayward elephant jump into whatever water is available including rivers, lakes, creeks, and even swimming pools.
A meteorologist from Brooklyn, said that he personally witnessed rocks and boulders actually catching fire; which is unheard of in the history of wildfires.
President Joe Biden has sent VP Harris on Air Force One to take a first hand look and see about allotting up to $2 billion to help fight the effen fires.
Meanwhile, scientists at Bezos-Musk, Inc., are presently working on developing a type of state-of-the-art water that is 153% times wetter than the average, run-of-the-mill water.
