BOSTON – (Business Satire) – The New England Seafood Industry is panicking due to the fact that, for some unknown reason, Atlantic coast lobsters have all stopped mating.
Hans Figgarello, a noted lobster expert, stated that he believes the reason why the male lobsters are no longer mating with the female lobsters, is due to the fact that, since early November, the female lobsters have pretty much all gotten quite ugly!
When asked to explain, he commented that he believes it is due to global warming. He said that since the ocean water is hotter, it is making the female lobsters look extremely redder, and more unattractive than they already are.
He also noted that the Atlantic seaweed has taken on a more sewer-like smell, which can be blamed on the nasty red dust coming out of east Africa.
Many seafood restaurants are starting to try and breed their own lobsters.
But it can be very difficult and quite time consuming, due to one employee having to hold down the female lobster, as another employee tries to force the male lobster to penetrate her.