Google releases robot which will scratch your butt

Funny story written by Cleopatra Chaos

Sunday, 27 September 2020

image for Google releases robot which will scratch your butt
Now you can shake hands with someone without worrying where his or her hand has been

The Seattle consumer computer goods fair was treated to the rare sight of the President of Google dropping her pants to showcase the tech giant's latest product, the BS900, which is designed to scratch the user’s bottom. The robot will not have a name, since it will be part of the Google hub.

The President said the words “Ok Google, scratch my butt” and, amidst a mixture of gasps and applause, the bipedal automaton, which looks a bit like the robot from Futurama, extended a metallic digit which it then inserted into the President’s asshole.

In between expressions of delight, she said that the company plans to release different versions of the product. The BS900S will feature a safety rubber tip on the end of the robot’s finger, to help avoid unnecessary rectal bleeding, while the BS900SX will have a vibrate feature on the finger, for women and gay men.

"The BS900 will be run off a single rechargeable battery and require a squirt of machine oil once a week to keep it in top-top shape", the President of Google said.

The robot will be released early next year, the release having been postponed following a design flaw which saw it insert its finger into the wrong person’s butthole. “It wasn’t actually a flaw, it simply assumed that the person who wanted their butt scratched was the person standing closest to the robot, which we subsequently realised might not always be the case,” the President of Google explained, as the robot wiggled its metal protrusion inside her bottom.

It is rumoured that if the BS900 is successful, the company will release a new model, the BS1000, the following year, which will be able to scratch several people's butts at the same time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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