Chair From Nowhere first of new line of needless products

Funny story written by Gee Pee

Sunday, 24 August 2014


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Tired? Back bothering you again? No problem: just "summon" The Chair From Nowhere.

Inspired by cockroaches, The Chair From Nowhere is actually a stainless-steel "exoskeleton" that, like The Femdom Dildo, straps onto the wearer's body-in the case of The Chair From Nowhere, the legs and waist, not the groin. The exoskeleton extends down the legs, attaching to the heels of special footwear, supporting the wearer in a crouching position so that he or she is actually "sitting on thin air."

Its inventor, UK's Keith Gunura, claims his product is "a panacea," able to relieve joint and muscle stress, cure arthritis and rheumatism, and put bounce back in one's step." In addition, Miley Cyrus says, the device "is great for twerking!"

It was at Cyrus' Bangherz Concert that Gunura was "inspired" to invent his Chair. "When I saw Miley bump and grind, I got really excited," he explains, "and I thought, I could help her do that longer, if not better, if I could give her more than just moral support."

"But you don't have to be Miley Cyrus to benefit from my Chair," Gunura says. "It would work equally well for Britney Spears or Katy Perry-or, for that matter, a factory worker, a cashier, or anyone else who has to be on his or her feet all day."

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, and other "aging action stars" could also benefit from the use of his Chair, the inventor suggests.

The "bottom line," Gunura says, "is that my Chair is comfortable, lightweight, mobile, and affordable. It's also ergonomically sound and may save the world."

To activate the Chair, "just squat and press a button," Gunura instructs. "The Chair will do the rest."

If sales of his invention do as well as he anticipates, Gunura predicts that The Chair From Nowhere might "be just the beginning of things." For example, he is already working on designs for a truly portable potty, The Squat Toilet. "Just assume the position," he explains, "and Johnny on the Spot will do the rest."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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